Thursday, June 17, 2010

There's No Beauty In Bleeding Mascara

"So, did you have a good night at the club?  Or was it a waste of time," I asked Kate as she entered the kitchen.  She usually worked two nights a week at a strip club nearly an hour away for extra income.  Some days she came home with a significant amount of money, but other nights it was slow and not worth the gas or time spent.  Kate had been trying to convince me to join her at the club those nights to make extra money myself, but I was still hesitant. 

"Hah, I did have a good night but I can see that yours was better," Kate teased, laughing and shaking her head.  She wagged a finger in my direction and tsk tsked, "You are SO bad.  It's written all over your face!"

I blushed, wondering how she could possibly know about the previous evening with Eric.  Kate was certainly no saint, and I had always played the good girl role perfectly while she lived up her bad girl image.  I was far from an innocent virgin, but I had only had two partners other than Michael before my rendezvous with Eric, and they had both been former boyfriends.

"Seriously, Kate, I know.  I can't believe I did this and I'm feeling even guiltier today now that I know that you know. He acted totally weird afterward though and practically pushed me out the door.  But then he asked if he could call me to get together again.  I don't even know what to think. And I didn't even tell you yet that Michael showed up here yesterday right before I left!" I was rambling nervously, spilling my thoughts to Kate.

"Well," Kate began, "if Eric calls you to hang out, do not have sex with him. That'll place you on booty call status and you're better than that. You already know how I feel about Michael, so if he calls or shows up again, don't even bother with him.  He needs to move on!"

I sighed, knowing Kate was right.  I wasn't entirely convinced I would ever hear from Eric again but there was no way I would degrade myself and allow him to use me for sex.  I also wasn't entirely sure how I felt about Michael, even though ending our relationship had been my choice.  I worried that spending time with him would evoke old emotions and make me second guess my decision to leave him.  On the other hand, he had been my best friend for years and I did miss his friendship and thought now would be a good time to start the baby steps towards being friends again.

I glanced at the clock and realized I needed to head to work shortly.  Sitting around and thinking about my now complicated love life was not an option.  However, I wanted to talk to Eric and figure out where we stood and I had promised Michael I'd be in touch.  I fought with myself mentally for a moment and caved.  I would shoot Eric what I hoped was a casual text message and then I would deal with Michael.

"Hey you!  Hope you're having a good day at work! I had fun yesterday, let me know when you're free if you wanna hang out again :D -Em"

My phone vibrated in response almost immediately.

"lol thanks, but I'm off today. and last night was great, I'd love to do it again ;)"

Off today? I read and reread the words. My heart dropped and I felt a knot beginning to form in my shoulders and my stomach as I tensed up.  If he was off today, why did he basically kick me out the door last night?  A painful lump formed in my throat as my eyes filled with tears.  I couldn't recall ever having felt so used and betrayed.  I set my phone down gingerly and talked myself out of picking it back up and giving Eric a piece of my mind.

Feeling vulnerable and suffering a major blow to my self esteem, I picked up my phone and texted Michael.

"Hey!  I know you're off tomorrow so I figured I'd see if you want to go to IHOP tonight when I get off work at 11:30.  Just let me know :)"

I put my phone back in my purse and headed out the door to go to work. I was almost positive Michael would accept and suddenly, I could hardly wait to see him again. As I reached the parking lot of my office building, I felt my phone vibrate.  I stopped to check my phone and couldn't help but smile despite the blow to my ego when I saw that Michael had indeed agreed to meet for coffee that night.

Now, I really wasn't sure what my intentions were in asking him to meet up and that thought excited me.


  1. Friends with an ex has NEVER worked for me; always too many hurt feelings from one party. Also, there's usually lingering chemistry of some sort, so when alcohol is involved.....well, you know how that story usually ends. ;-)

    Good story! I'm glad you're back!


  2. Where are you, girl? Checking everyday for a new post. mum