tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15149386273407230172024-02-06T22:43:09.094-06:00Everyday EndeavorsMeet Emma. She's a 23 year old woman struggling to find her way and facing an uncertain future. Join her as she navigates through love, loss, life and everything that falls in between. This is a fictional blog. Posts will be made on Tuesday and Friday.Meg.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03152141196083805604noreply@blogger.comBlogger77125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1514938627340723017.post-40031202988378702882014-06-13T11:12:00.001-05:002014-06-13T11:12:23.422-05:00Breaking the SurfaceThe next few weeks were a blur. Well, maybe not a blur, because to me, a blur implies time moved quickly. It was quite the opposite. Life felt muted, like I was swimming deep underwater wearing a suit of armor. Time seemed to slow down and drag on forever. I spent my days at work on autopilot. People stared and whispered. News had spread quickly and I found myself being eyed with a mixture of pity and disdain. If I heard the words "I'm sorry for your loss" or "Everything happens for a reason" one more time, I might have screamed.<br />
<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a>The funeral was sad, as they often are. I was amazed at the number of people who turned out. So many people attended that they had to set up a separate room in the church with a live tv feed of the service. I saw many faces I recognized and many more that I didn't. Despite my protests, Michael's parents insisted I sit with them in the front row reserved for family and those closest to Michael. I can't remember now what the preacher said or how long the service lasted. Many eulogies were given and many tears were cried.<br />
<br />
I didn't realize just how many people attended until we were in the car, behind the hearse leading the funeral procession. Looking in the rear view mirror, there were cars as far back as I could see. Seeing just how many people whose lives had been affected by Michael set me off into a fresh fit of tears. The overwhelming guilt I felt consumed me. He had been a good man, but a troubled man. At the graveside service, mourners gathered in large groups. I was consoled and comforted by more people than I can count, but I also saw the glares directed my way by countless others.<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">Rumors had quickly spread following the news and manner of Michael's death. My Facebook feed had exploded with "RIP Michael" statuses and many pictures of him were posted. I felt like I couldn't get away from it. I know there were people who blamed me in some way, and I couldn't fault them, since I blamed myself. Manda was at the funeral, an absolute vision in black. She even wore a black veil, which I found inappropriate somehow. I also felt like I didn't deserve the outpouring of support through hugs and condolences. I noticed that most people noticed my now hugely pregnant belly, but very few made any acknowledgement.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">In the weeks following the funeral, I basically became a recluse. I showered, went to work, did any absolutely necessary errands, then returned home to grieve in silence. I stared at walls a lot. I stopped being excited about my upcoming baby shower. I stopped thinking of names for my little girl. I wasn't eating or sleeping nearly enough. Miraculously, my work didn't suffer. In fact, I think I was performing my duties better than ever. The only person I really talked to was my mom.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">She had been in a very similar situation. At the time of my dad's violent death, my parents had been temporarily-but-likely-permanently separated. She understood my guilt and the blame I placed on myself. She understood that I felt utterly and completely lost. She urged me to seek grief counseling and even suggested I pack up my life and move to the coast to live with her. I hadn't really considered leaving my life here behind, but I had to admit that it really appealed to me now. Moving halfway across the country, however, would need to be a decision made when my mind was more clear.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">Kate, Rob and Holly really, really tried to be there for me. I'm ashamed to admit that I basically refused to see them and only answered their calls and texts sporadically. I basically cut contact with Michael's parents. The pain I saw written all over their faces was too much for me to bear.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">But of course, as it always does, life moved on. I woke up one day and didn't immediately start crying. I actually ate breakfast and found myself smiling when I stepped outside into the bright sunlight. I'm pretty sure it was my first smile in weeks. It felt so absurd to me that I laughed. As soon as the laugh escaped, though, I clapped my hand over my mouth. Laughing still felt wrong, but a smile felt great. Of course, the slight happiness didn't last long, and at the end of the day, I found myself completing my nightly routine. I sat in silence, moved food around on my plate more than I ate it and re-read the letters Michael had written to me and our baby girl. One thing was different, though. This time when Kate texted me asking if she could come by, I said yes.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">When Kate knocked, I nearly jumped out of my skin. My apartment had been so silent for weeks that the knock sounded like a gunshot. I slowly made my way to the door. I had entered the waddling stage of pregnancy. Without a word, Kate wrapped me up in a tight hug. I winced, my ribs were still sore from my fall down the stairs that seemed to have happened a lifetime ago.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">"You look terrible," Kate said quietly.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">"It's good to see you, too," I snapped at her. What did my appearance matter to her?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">"Emma, I'm being serious. You've lost a lot of weight, you're basically all bones with a baby belly. It's obvious you're not taking care of yourself. Have you at least been taking your vitamins? It is so, so important to keep your baby healthy. I knew I should have forced my way in here!"</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">I hung my head.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">"Yes, I've been taking them. Yes, the doctor is concerned. I've been trying these shakes the doctors office recommended but eating is such a chore."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">"You are right, it is a chore. Think of it as daily medication. You only have 7 weeks until that baby is here-"</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">I cut her off.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">"Seven weeks? I have longer than that," I huffed.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">"No, Emma, you don't. It's been more than a month now since...Michael. I love you, but you need </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">to get your shit together." Kate cupped my face with her hands?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">I suddenly felt like I'd broken the surface and was no longer trudging underwater.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">"Oh, my god. You're right. I have so much to do!" I wailed. I had less than two months until my delivery date, and I had nothing prepared. Kate led me to my couch where I cried and vented to her. It felt so good getting everything out. My fears, my guilt, my sorrow. I laid them all out and when all was said and done, my mind had never felt clearer.</span>Meg.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03152141196083805604noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1514938627340723017.post-9757997375843375472014-05-31T08:10:00.000-05:002014-05-31T08:14:05.538-05:00Author's NoteI apologize for seemingly disappearing without a word. This blog will be on temporary hiatus until mid June. Normal posting will resume June 13th at the latest. Thank you all for understanding, and thank you all for reading.<br />
<br />
See you soon!<br />
- Meg.Meg.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03152141196083805604noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1514938627340723017.post-46311456741693713112014-05-23T06:09:00.000-05:002014-05-23T06:09:18.012-05:00Numb<i>*Without spoiling what's written below, I do have to say that this post deals with very dark subject matter. This post may not be for everyone and I absolutely understand if you do not wish to continue reading*</i><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
"Is everything okay?" I asked in lieu of saying hello.<br />
<br />
I heard Melinda take a deep, shaky breath before clearing her throat.<br />
<br />
"No, not really," she began, her voice thick and raspy. I could hear voices and noise in the background but couldn't quite make it out. <br />
<br />
"Melinda, what's going on?" I asked, my pulse quickening. Something had to be very wrong to warrant this call.<br />
<br />
"Emma, sweetie, is anyone there with you?"<br />
<br />
"No, I'm alone. Why, what's going on?" I repeated my question. I paced my bedroom in the dark, tugging at the tangled ends of my hair.<br />
<br />
"It's Michael," Melinda whispered, her voice growing more hoarse.<br />
<br />
"Did he do something, is he in trouble?" my mind was racing, just like my heart.<br />
<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a>I could feel my heart beating against my ribs, waiting for her reply. Nearly thirty seconds of silence passed but it felt more like ten minutes.<br />
<br />
"Melinda? What happened? Is Michael in trouble?"<br />
<br />
"He's gone, Emma." Melinda spoke flatly.<br />
<br />
"What do you mean, gone? He's missing? Didn't he come home today?"<br />
<br />
"I mean, he's <i>gone</i>. He crashed his car and he's - " she broke into sobs. I heard her fumbling with the phone as I tried to process what she was saying.<br />
<br />
"Emma?" Tom's voice came on the line. I heard Melinda sobbing in the background. <br />
<br />
"What's going on?" I pleaded again. I felt sick and my lips felt numb.<br />
<br />
"We wanted to be the ones to tell you, this isn't something you need to hear from a stranger," his voice was strained, gruff with emotion. "We got a call from the police a few hours ago, we're at the hospital now. They, uh, have reason to believe it wasn't an accident. There were a few witnesses and from all accounts, this was intentional. He didn't survive the impact."<br />
<br />
I opened my mouth to speak, but couldn't. I slapped my face, surely I was dreaming. As much as I had wanted Michael out of my life, I never wanted it to be like this. My tongue felt like a shriveled slug in my mouth. I struggled to form words.<br />
<br />
"I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say," I heard myself speaking, but my own voice sounded foreign and far away.<br />
<br />
"There isn't anything to say," Tom sounded defeated.<br />
<br />
"I'm coming up there, I have to. I'll be there soon." I hung up without waiting for his response.<br />
<br />
I was on autopilot as I collected my things and walked across the courtyard to Kate's apartment. I could see myself knocking, but I felt like I was no longer inside my own body. Kate opened the door, rubbing sleep from her eyes.<br />
<br />
"Oh, my god, what's wrong? Is it the baby?" Kate's voice was shrill and frightened.<br />
<br />
I shook my head sharply, not knowing if I could say the words. Saying it out loud would make it real<br />
<br />
"Michael's dead, Kate. He's gone and it's my fault," the words came spilling out, I was in no mental state to phrase things delicately. Kate wrapped her arms around me as I crumpled to the floor, sobs wracking my body. I could feel her body trembling as she, too, broke down in tears.<br />
<br />
---------------<br />
<br />
The ride to the hospital was silent. Kate drove, while I sat hugging myself in the passenger seat with tears streaming down my face. We found Michael's parents looking devastated. Melinda and Tom pulled me into an embrace as we cried together. <br />
<br />
"I'm so sorry, I'm sorry," I repeated over and over, clutching onto both of them.<br />
<br />
"It's not your fault, honey, it's not. Nobody blames you," Melinda soothed. I felt guilty that she was the one consoling me. Michael wasn't her biological son, but she had raised him since childhood. His birth mother had been an alcoholic who had drank herself into an early grave when Michael was still a child. There is no greater pain in life than outliving your children.<br />
<br />
I sat in shocked silence as Tom filled me in on what occurred. Michael had been sent home from the psychiatric ward with high hopes for a better future. He'd somehow been able to hide just how deeply his depression had burrowed. They had found a note indicating his plans but by then, it was already too late. They said he left in great spirits, saying he just wanted to go for a drive. My mind flashed to the other two envelopes Michael had addressed to me. With a sinking feeling, I realized what they probably contained. This wasn't a spur of the moment decision.<br />
<br />
Hours later, I found myself at home, wrapped up in a blanket and tearing open the envelopes. My worst fear was realized as I read the letter. Silent tears streamed down my face as I thought to myself that I could have done something if I'd only read the second letter sooner. The tone and phrasing made it obvious what Michael had planned.<br />
<br />
My heart absolutely shattered when I opened the third letter and found it was addressed to "My Baby Girl".<br />
<br />
<br />Meg.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03152141196083805604noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1514938627340723017.post-76263019371720220222014-05-20T16:09:00.001-05:002014-05-20T16:11:29.724-05:00New Perspective<p>*Sorry again for the late post. I haven't had a day off for over a week until today and didn't have the energy to write. See you all again on Friday at the normal time!*</p>
<p>Of course, Holly was the person I went to about my Michael dilemma.  She'd known Michael even longer than I had.  They'd gone to elementary school together, although they hadn't necessarily been childhood friends.  I knew I could trust Holly to give me her opinion without letting emotion into the equation.  I knew Kate still loathed Michael and didn't trust him.  I knew her answer would immediately be to destroy the letter without reading it.  Holly would at least help me weigh the pros and cons to the situation.  I called her up and she promised to swing by my apartment later in the afternoon before she had to head to her second job.</p>
<p>I spent the afternoon alone with my thoughts.  Michael and I had met in junior high school when we were only 12 years old.  I had moved to the Midwest with my parents that previous summer.  Michael and I met in our eighth grade Spanish class.  Our seats had been assigned alphabetically by last name.  Mine is Bradley and his is Brandon, so naturally we were seated together.  I thought he was fun to talk to and we'd been friendly throughout the school year.  All through junior high and high school, our lockers had been next door to each other.  We had numerous classes together.  Looking back, there had always been a friendly flirtation between us.</p>
<p>Michael had the same girlfriend, Corinne, all through those years.  I'd always admired their relationship.  Most kids in high school dated around.  There were always breakups, makeups and drama to be found, typical of high school.</p>
<p>After graduation, Michael and I lost touch for about a year.  He'd actually shown up at the restaurant I worked at to visit my coworker, Chris.  We'd gotten to talking and I found out he'd split up with Cori a few months prior.  We agreed to hang out, which turned into a date.  The first date led to many more and we'd quickly fallen in love.</p>
<p>Can you remember the first time you fell in love?  I can. It wasn't Michael, though. It had been my high school boyfriend, Alex, whom I'd lost my virginity to.  We'd gone through that obsessive, infatuated state and that state never really ended.  There was a lot of passion there.  We loved each other madly and argued viciously.  We were too alike and too different all at once.  Being with Michael wasn't like that.  It was always comfortable and natural for us.  Some friends had joked that they always figured we would end up together.</p>
<p>Michael was my first grown up relationship.  We spent mostly happy years together.  I still can't pinpoint when things changed.  I'd been pushing for an engagement for awhile.  That's what couples do, right?  They date for awhile, live together a few years and then they get married.  I'd wanted that desperately, but looking back, I only wanted it because I thought it was the way things were supposed to be.  Michael and I had grown apart.  I know now that we've both changed but his change had been for the worse.</p>
<p>I pressured myself to really think about the last year of our relationship.  We'd been distant and strained, but I still don't know if that was because Michael was secretly depressed or if the depression came after.</p>
<p>I was napping on the couch when Holly arrived.  She fussed over me, asking rapid fire questions.  Have you been eating regularly to prevent feeling faint?  Have you been resting?  Are you in pain?  Do you need anything?  It was sweet, really.  She's a good person with a huge heart.  We talked a little about my accident, we chatted a bit about what a jerk Eric turned out to be, she mentioned organizing my baby shower.  And finally, the talk turned to Michael. </p>
<p>I was careful about what I revealed.  It wasn't my place to talk about Michael's mental health or hospitalization in a psychiatric facility. I kept my statements vague yet touched on the idea that Michael was striving to improve himself and felt that writing me a letter would be therapeutic.</p>
<p>"Well, Emma, what do you think is best?" She asked.</p>
<p>"I think, no, I know I want to read it.  I want to satisfy my curiosity and see what he has to say.  I feel like I need some insight or closure or an explanation for his crazy behavior." I trailed off.</p>
<p>"But?"</p>
<p>"But I'm not sure it's a good idea.  Reading it could be stressful.  It could just be a hateful letter blaming me for his problems.  It could be an attempt to win me back, which absolutely won't happen.  It could be a tactic to get me to drop the lawyer talks so he can fight for parental rights.  Honestly, it could be anything!"</p>
<p>"Hon, you're right.  It could be any or none of the above.  My opinion?  You should read it but take it with a grain of salt.  If it gives you peace of mind to see what he has to say, go for it.  If it turns out to be a nasty letter, give a copy to Rebecca.  It could help you ensure custody and the right to allow him the relationship with your child that you see fit." Holly spoke diplomatically.</p>
<p>"I hadn't thought of it like that.  You're totally right.  Either the letter helps both of us heal or it helps me protect myself and my daughter.  I'll call Melinda and tell her I've made up my mind."</p>
<p>Holly gently hugged me goodbye before leaving.  I think our conversation gave me a new perspective.</p>
<p>Melinda was eager to bring me the letter and check in with me for a brief visit.  She looked older, somehow.  I hadn't realized just how much of an impact this Michael situation has had on her.  She informed me he'd be leaving the hospital within 24-48 hours and would ideally be staying with them for a little while.  I thanked her for the update and she promised he wouldn't be bothering me.  I had to bite my tongue to keep from saying something snarky.</p>
<p>After she left, I sat down to read the letter.  I was surprised to find two more envelopes inside, along with the short letter.  Each envelope had my name and instructions not to open them until a date listed two weeks from today.  It struck me as odd, but I assume he had a reason.</p>
<p>The letter was short.</p>
<p>"Emma, hopefully you've agreed to accept these letters.  I'm sure my parents have explained everything to you.  I'm so sorry for all I've put you through.  You didn't deserve that sort of treatment and I'm ashamed of my actions.  Therapy has been really beneficial for me and I've come to accept why you left and the reality of our situation.  Someday, I hope you'll find it in your heart to forgive me."</p>
<p>The letter was simply signed "Michael".  It was anticlimactic, really.  Just a generic apology letter.  I felt better having read it, though.  I put the other letters away in a drawer.  Despite my gnawing curiosity about them, I decided to respect his wishes and open them on the date he'd instructed.</p>
<p>I was still feeling worn out and went to bed early.  I was plagued by nightmares and fitful sleep and awoke with a pit of unease in my stomach.</p>
<p>I spent a few hours of the day working and it helped me feel better and more normal somehow.  Kate and Dale came by to have dinner with me and to watch some movies on Netflix.  Again, I fell asleep early.</p>
<p>I was awakened around 3 am by my ringing phone.  I fumbled around for it with a growing feeling of dread.  There are never any good reasons for a middle of the night phone call.</p>
<p>My heart may have stopped when I saw who was calling at this late hour: Melinda.</p>
Meg.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03152141196083805604noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1514938627340723017.post-10398772388444650632014-05-20T03:55:00.001-05:002014-05-20T03:55:06.255-05:00Author's Note<p>Tuesday's post will be up in the afternoon instead of the usual morning time. Sorry for the delay!</p>
Meg.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03152141196083805604noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1514938627340723017.post-4262652131690956662014-05-16T10:00:00.000-05:002014-05-16T10:00:07.797-05:00The Healing ProcessMy boss is seriously amazing. I called Richard to speak with him and update him on my well being the day after I was released from the hospital. He was very concerned with how I was feeling and how long it may take me to recover. Now, I've had bosses in the past who would ask how soon I'd be well, but really meant how soon can you get back to work. Not Richard! He made a really great suggestion. He knows that I need to save as much money as possible, and rather than wipe out all of my accrued sick time or paid time off, suggested that I work from home if and when I feel up to it, until I'm ready and able to return to work.<br />
<br />
I was nearly in tears, I was so grateful. He talked to Celeste (the <i>boss </i>boss) and already had it approved. He spent time working with our IT department to get me a laptop from the office to access our network and do everything I need to be able to do from home. I thanked him profusely and assured him I was confident I'd be ready within 2 days to at least work four hours at a time.<br />
<br />
I made good on my promise and showed up at work 2 days later with my medical documents (required by our HR department). Our IT department somehow arranged it so that anything I printed using the laptop would be printed out in Richard's office, eliminating the need for me to actually show up at the end of each shift simply to print off and file my documents. They are printed in his office and given to my coworker Kaylee to file. Kaylee is the one who trained me for the most part; we work the same position (she works 6am-2pm, so our shift only overlaps by 2 hours) and have shared reports and responsibilities. She was sweet enough to send me an email wishing me well and assuring me it'd be no problem for her to physically file my printed reports. I am so blessed to work with great people that actually care about each other, not just the company.<br />
<br />
I'm thinking about suggesting to Richard that instead of taking a full maternity leave when the baby comes, I can arrange to work at home for a few hours a day with one full day a week actually at the call center. I waiting to make that suggestion, however. I want to see if me working from home is a good fit for myself and my bosses.<br />
<br />
Now that I've bored you with my mundane work updates, boy, do I have some interesting things to share.<br />
<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a>Obviously, I called Melinda to tell her about the fall and my minor injuries. She was upset that I hadn't had someone contact her while I was in the hospital, but seemed very understanding when I explained the situation. I know she was just worrying about me and the baby (speaking of the baby, I really need to start seriously thinking about her name). I told her that I thought Michael should know, since it was his baby, too.<br />
<br />
That is when the conversation turned and really shocked me.<br />
<br />
"Speaking of Michael..." Melinda spoke, sounding hesitant.<br />
<br />
"What did he do now?" I asked, my annoyance level rising. Michael used to be a great person with a promising future, but within the past year, he's begun a stunning descent into self destruction.<br />
<br />
"Well, he realized finally that he needs help. Tom and I have done everything possible to get him to realize he's ruining his life with his behavior. He, uh, he had a breakdown, right after you saw him last. He admitted to spying on you at Kate's house, ya know, watching when you leave and come back. Keeping an eye on who you're with. I would have told you sooner, but Michael doesn't need jail, he needs help."<br />
<br />
"That's an understatement." I said flatly. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">"And how long ago did he tell you this, Melinda? Is he still stalking me? Because if he is, I am contacting the police. The order of protection was only temporary, but it can be made permanent and he will be denied custody rights. Hell, he might even be denied visitation rights at all!"</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">"Emma, sweetie, it's stopped. I promise you. He's, uh, he's at a psychiatric ward. He has been for a few weeks, now. He, um, was considered a danger to himself, they called it suicidal ideation. Michael's making great progress, they say. He speaks with a therapist daily, he is fighting to get well. They have him on anti depressants and a mood stabilizer of some sort. I can't really discuss the details, that wouldn't be fair to him right now."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">I was silent for a long time. I digested what Melinda was telling me, mulling it over in my mind. I felt truly and deeply sorry for Michael. I'd had no idea that things had gotten so bad. I wondered if Manda cutting ties with him helped push him over the edge. I also couldn't help but wonder why I'd heard nothing about it. Surely, other people were aware of Michael's issues and word tends to get around.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">"Well, Melinda, I'm sorry to hear that he's in such a bad place. Hopefully he is getting the help he needs and gets his life back in order. I'm not sure why you didn't call and tell me this sooner, though. It would've been nice for me to know so I didn't feel so paranoid all the time that he'd show up and harass me." I fought to keep my tone sympathetic and not accusatory. Surely Tom and Melinda were already stressed and feeling terrible.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">"He doesn't want anyone else to know," Melinda spoke plainly. "He's ashamed and doesn't want people to know about what's going on. As far as everyone else is concerned, he's on a trip to Oregon to visit extended family."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">"I understand. I'm sure this is a tough time for him. He shouldn't be ashamed, though. Plenty of people seek psychiatric help or struggle with depression at some point in their lives."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">"It's not just that, honey. He has a substance abuse problem. He's going to need a lot of help and support. I know you can't be the one to provide that, but we're all hoping that by the time the baby gets here, he'll be okay enough that he can be there for his daughter as much as you'll allow." Melinda's voice sounded drained of all energy. It was obvious how much pressure she was under.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">"We can only hope. Give Tom my love for me. Let him know the car is still running great and I hope to see the two of you soon."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">"I will, sweetie. Oh, Emma? One more thing," she paused.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">I waited a beat before responding.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">"What's that?"</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">"Michael wrote you a letter. I know, I know it's technically a violation of the order you have. He said you don't have to read it, but writing it really helped him. If you want it, I can bring it to you. I know you're pretty much on bed rest for now."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">"I'll, uh, have to think about it. I'll call you soon and let you know."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">We said our goodbyes and ended the call. Thinking about everything Michael is going through tugs at my heart. It's nearly impossible not to feel bad for someone who I once loved so much. I'm wondering now how long ago his substance abuse started. Was it becaus of the breakup? Did it start before that? It could certainly explain his distant behavior, but I've been chalking that up to him likely having been cheating on me with Manda. It could also have been the beginning of his depression. Depression is the type of thing that can creep in and take hold in unique ways before anyone even realizes its an issue.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">I spent a lot of time after the phone call reflecting on everything Melinda and I had discussed. Now, maybe this goes against my better judgment, but I think I need to read the letter. Maybe it'll answer some questions and provide closure. On the other hand, it may just open up a whole new can of worms or tear open old memories. Maybe I should leave the scab alone, let it scar over and heal.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><i>**Do you think Michael will come home a changed man? Should Emma accept and read the letter? Do you think Emma should let him back into her life?**</i></span>Meg.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03152141196083805604noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1514938627340723017.post-58564923443638169442014-05-13T10:00:00.000-05:002014-05-13T10:00:03.148-05:00The Best MedicineKate's huge eyes mirrored my own. We both knew only one person would be knocking at my door: Rob. <br />
<br />
She mouthed <i>Oh, my God </i>in my direction as she got up to answer the door. I crossed my fingers that he hadn't heard what I'd said. Lord knows he'd definitely get the wrong impression.<br />
<br />
Kate looked through the peephole then slowly opened the door. Rob stood in the doorway, grocery bags dangling from one hand and a Panera hibiscus tea in the other. His expression was a mixture of bewilderment and pride.<br />
<br />
"Uhh, is this a bad time?" he asked, looking from me to Kate and back again.<br />
<br />
Without warning, Kate burst into uncontrollable laughter, collapsing against the wall nearest my front door. Rob raised an eyebrow at me, making the cuckoo motion with his index finger and nearly dropping my tea in the process. Personally, I was too embarrassed and far too sore to laugh. Kate was doing enough laughing for the both of us, anyway. She took deep, gasping breaths, struggling to stop the laughter.<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she wheezed, "you just have great timing!" With that, she dissolved into another giggle fit.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">Rob made his way across my small living room, handing me the tea. I greedily took a huge sip. That tea is surely sent to Panera straight from heaven!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">"I'll, uh, put this stuff in the kitchen, be right back," he flashed me his typical smirk. Ugh, there was no way he hadn't heard my fake love proclamation. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">Kate made eye contact with me, still fighting to suppress her laughter.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">"He totally heard you," she half-whispered. I shushed her, hoping if I pretended nothing had been said, so would Rob. I mean, what could I possibly say to him? 'Oh, hey, totally just kidding. Definitely not in love with you!'? I knew Rob didn't see me that way, but I imagine it would still be a blow to the ego, right?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">"I can still hear you, actually!" Rob called from the kitchen.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">This time, Kate practically screamed with laughter. I was starting to worry she would laugh herself to death.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">"Oh, my god, Kate, stop!" I exclaimed. I could feel my own urge to laugh rising, but knowing the pain my ribs and collar would feel, I shoved the urge down.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">"Rob, will you just come in here for a second?" I called out to him. He popped his head around the corner, grinning from ear to ear. Kate's shoulders still shook lightly, but she was no longer audibly laughing. She wiped at her eyes and took a deep, shaky breath.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">"So, I dunno how much you heard, but I swear, it's not what it sounded like," I began and he nodded for me to continue, smirking all the while. "Kate has this <i>thing</i>, and by that I mean an obsession. Her thing is to find reason in every little thing to accuse one of us of being in love with the other. Oh, Rob went to the gas station today and so did you? Must be fate! Oh, you and Rob both like macaroni and cheese, you should get married. Oh, you guys are the opposite sex? Clearly, you love each other! You only heard the tail end of it and I was just trying to shut her up. Ugh, I feel so awkward!"</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">I felt so silly, yet relieved, when I got it all out in the open. I cringed at how stupid I felt, though.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">"Aw, don't be embarrassed. I know I'm hard to resist, you don't have to make up lies about Kate. I mean, I even made you puke at dinner one time!"</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">I covered my face with my free hand, shaking my head. These two always knew how to cheer me up. Thank goodness Rob understood!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">Kate stood and stretched, finally over her ridiculous laughing fit.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">"I've gotta head out if you're okay, Emma. Rent is due soon and I gotta head to the club for the night. I can come by after and stay the night if you want?"</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">I nodded, "Okay, just call me when you're done for the night. Depending on how I'm feeling, I might need you to stay the night. You can stop by either way if it gives you peace of mind."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">She smiled, "I'll call you later on. Seriously, if you need me, I want to be here. I'll let you two lovebirds enjoy some alone time!" Kate couldn't resist one final joke at my expense. One thing I really loved about her is she could take it just as well as she could dish it out.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">The door clicked shut behind her and Rob locked it for me. Despite Michael having been out of the picture for a few weeks now, having a locked door still gave me a sense of security. He sat down on the couch beside me, suddenly looking very serious.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">"Are you okay, Emma? Can I get you anything or do anything for you?"</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">"No, I'm fine. Really. Just very sore and worn out. It's been a long few days."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">He nodded, "I'm just glad you weren't hurt any worse. When Kate knocked on my door in a panic, I feared the worst. I thought she was going to tell me that Michael hurt you or something. I was so relieved when we found out you were relatively okay. Being told we couldn't see you was heartbreaking, for Kate especially. She's a true friend."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">"She really is, and so are you. I honestly don't know what I would do without you guys and my friends. You all are seriously the backbone of my life right now. I can't thank you enough for being here right now." I felt myself getting misty eyed. I had so many wonderful friends, who cares about Michael or Manda or Eric or the shitty drama and stress they've brought upon me? With people like Kate, Rob, Dale and Holly in my life, I could weather anything.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">"I can stay with you until Kate comes back, if you'd like. Unless Eric is coming by, I'm sure he's worried, too."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">I sighed softly. I hadn't had a chance to see or talk to Rob since I'd gotten out of the hospital. I quickly filled him in on everything that had transpired. He shook his head and made a small sound of disgust.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">"You're better off, honestly. A guy who acts like that before you guys even have a real commitment will be nothing but trouble. I have an ex who loved going through my phone, just dying to find something bad. I never gave her a reason not to trust me. I would've gladly handed my phone over to her if she'd asked, but she had to be sneaky and paranoid. I can't say I was too surprised when I found out shed cheated on me. People love to project their wrong doings onto other people."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">"You are absolutely right. From here on, I'm going to be more careful about who I let into my life. It's no longer just me that I need to worry about. This little girl will be here soon and I need to be the strongest person I can be when that time comes. She deserves it."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">Rob squeezed my hand reassuringly.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">"You'll be a wonderful mom, I just know it. Why don't you get some rest? I'll just hang out and watch tv or something quiet while you do. Just call me if you need me."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">Realizing just how exhausted I was, I let Rob help me to my room and into my bed. I fell asleep almost immediately.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>Meg.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03152141196083805604noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1514938627340723017.post-39754337374096336482014-05-12T10:00:00.000-05:002014-05-12T10:00:03.515-05:00Home FreeThe ultrasound technician entered the room, startling me out of my mental fog. I gave her a weak wave, not trusting myself to speak yet. She flashed a warm smile.<br />
<br />
"Well, Miss Bradley, let's get a look at that baby!" her voice was very cheerful and upbeat. Surely if the doctor expected me to receive bad news, the tech would be using a more somber tone, right?<br />
<br />
The technician applied the gel to my belly and pelvic region. I waited patiently and silently as she moved the wand around. I was too afraid to look at her or the screen. I knew that detecting even the slightest frown or scowl would lead to me panicking. I simply shut my eyes and focused on my breathing.<br />
<br />
Finally, she spoke.<br />
<a name='more'></a>"The fetal heartbeat is strong and completely within the normal range. Everything is measuring right on track. I know you took a pretty severe fall. What most people don't realize is that the womb is pretty resilient. Everything is fairly cushioned and designed to keep the baby safe and protected. I can understand your concerns after such an event, but the baby is just fine. Would you like to hear the heartbeat?"<br />
<br />
I was so overwhelmed by relief and happiness that all I could do was nod. The pain in my ribs and collarbone ceased to exist in that moment. The tech reached for the fetal Doppler, smiling broadly. My baby girl's heartbeat was the sweetest song I'd ever heard.<br />
<br />
<br />
------------<br />
<br />
"Emma, oh, thank god you're okay!" Kate squeezed my hand. She'd initially leaned in for a hug before realizing how much it would probably hurt me. She looked rough; dark circles were prominent below her eyes and her hair was a tangled mess. It was obvious she'd barely slept, if at all.<br />
<br />
"They wouldn't let me in to see you last night, I'm so sorry I wasn't here. Eric called me from your phone while you were being rushed here in an ambulance. I was so worried!" tears welled up in her eyes and I felt my own eyes tear up in return.<br />
<br />
"It's okay, really. I know they wouldn't let you in. Does Eric still have my phone? My purse is here but my phone isn't. I need to call work and tell them what happened." I didn't reveal the fact that I also didn't trust Eric not to go through my phone and further invade my privacy.<br />
<br />
"No, no, I have it. And I already called your job. Richard was freaking out when I told him. He wants you to call his cell when you're feeling up to it." Richard was one of my direct supervisors at work. He was a wonderful man to work for, although a little eccentric at times. I felt guilty knowing how worried he must have been.<br />
<br />
"Thanks for doing that. Richard would probably be freaking out even more if they thought I was a no-call, no-show!" I laughed, wincing at the pain in my ribs. One downside to being pregnant is the lack of painkillers I could take, but I'd endure pain ten times stronger to keep my baby girl safe.<br />
<br />
"You are okay, right?" Kate asked, biting her lower lip like she often did when she was upset. "I mean, I know you're getting released, but is everything okay? Like, no permanent damage?"<br />
<br />
I nodded, "I'm fine, seriously. Everything kinda hurts but me and baby are okay."<br />
<br />
"I'm so glad," she breathed.<br />
<br />
Just then, a nurse came in to give the all-clear for me to be released. I couldn't wait to get home.<br />
<br />
<br />
------------<br />
<br />
"Are you serious? I will kill him, I swear to god!" Kate raged.<br />
<br />
She'd brought me home to my apartment to help me settle in on the couch. Rob had offered to grab some essentials at the store for me and would be coming by later. I had just taken the time to fill Kate in on what exactly had gone down with Eric and what had happened before my tumble down the stairs. She'd listened in stony eyed silence as I told her everything, from the snooping to his parting comment to me.<br />
<br />
"This is all his fault! If hadn't been a nosy, insufferable ass, none of this would've happened. You could've broken your neck and died and it would have been completely his fault. I hope he feels like shit right now!" Kate's tirade continued.<br />
<br />
"I know, I know. But the doctors think my lack of eating enough on top of the stress is what caused me to faint. Yes, it is his fault I was in that emotional state, but honestly, it's not like he pushed me." I hoped to calm her down before she ran off and strangled Eric or ran him over with her car.<br />
<br />
"Still, I hate him. If I ever see him, I will punch him right in the dick!"<br />
<br />
I fought hard not to laugh, knowing how much it would make my ribs ache. Finally, Kate laughed, too. She's fiercely protective of the people she loves and she certainly has a fiery temper at times.<br />
<br />
"Okay, okay. Maybe I won't punch him, but I hope he never shows his face around here," she conceded.<br />
<br />
"Ughh, don't even worry about that. That dude will not be part of my life, I promise you that."<br />
<br />
"Good! Who knows, maybe now that waiter guy is out of the picture, you and Rob will fall in loooove," she teased, smirking. We had been over the whole strictly friends thing so many times that now she treated it as a game. She would find some random little thing at least once a day that she could twist around to mean that Rob and I were destined to be together. I usually blew off her comments, knowing she didn't mean it. This time, though, I decided to tease her back<br />
<br />
As deadpan as possible, I proclaimed, "You know what? You are absolutely right. I am in love with Rob."<br />
<br />
She stared at me, mouth partially open, "You are?"<br />
<br />
Struggling to keep up the charade, I nodded.<br />
<br />
"Yep. I wanna shout it from the rooftop. You hear that, world? Kate was totally right. I'm desperately in love with Rob and I want the world to know it!" I yelled the last part as loudly as I could with my diminished lung capacity thanks to my aching ribs, grinning like a fool.<br />
<br />
Kate realized immediately that I was being obnoxious and making fun of her. Just as she took in a breath to respond, there was a quiet knock at the door.Meg.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03152141196083805604noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1514938627340723017.post-19190404143661637712014-05-10T17:07:00.001-05:002014-05-10T17:07:20.179-05:00Bonus Post Coming SoonHello, everyone! <br />
<br />
My blog has officially garnered over 100,000 page views since its creation!<br />
<br />
In celebration of this milestone and to make up for my admittedly short last post, I will be writing an extra post next week. I sincerely appreciate every comment you leave.<br />
<br />
My normal posts appear on Tuesday and Friday. Let me know if you have any preference on which day the extra post appears. Also, let me know what you want to see more of in the blog. Do you like when I reply to your comments? Are you happy with the content and length of posts? What can I do to improve your reading experience? I am open to suggestion.<br />
<br />
Thank you all for reading!Meg.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03152141196083805604noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1514938627340723017.post-27439510220667958722014-05-09T14:51:00.002-05:002014-05-09T14:51:20.850-05:00Darkness Falls<i>**Sorry for the posting delay. I didn't want to post until I was satisfied with what I had written**</i><br />
<br />
<br />
Murmured, frantic voices permeate the darkness. I'm vaguely aware of a searing pain radiating across my side. My mind is struggling to pull me to consciousness. Fragmented thoughts cross my mind.<br />
<br />
Eric. My email. A fight. Storming out. Dizziness. Pausing on the stairs. The baby, oh god, the baby.<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<br />
My eyes pop open in fear and utter panic. I know I fell but did it harm the baby? I'm on my side at the foot of the stairs. Eric and Adam are standing over me, eyes wide in concern. A woman is behind them, talking rapidly into her phone. She looks panicked, wild-eyed and frightened.<br />
<br />
I struggle to sit up.<br />
<br />
"Emma, no. Stay still. You fell down the stairs, I think you hit your head. Please don't move, an ambulance is coming."<br />
<br />
Eric has squatted down, grasping my hand and speaking slowly in a commanding, gentle tone.<br />
<br />
I weakly nod my understanding. My mind feels fuzzy and I'm just so tired.<br />
<br />
"Gonna take a nap..." I slur, sounding drunk. My tongue feels too big for my mouth.<br />
<br />
"No, no, you have to stay awake. Help is coming, I promise. Don't go to sleep, Emma." Eric is pleading but sounds far away now.<br />
<br />
I hear my own voice asking for Kate, please get Kate, but I am unsure if I am actually speaking the words before the darkness overwhelms me again.<br />
<br />
<br />
--------------------<br />
<br />
"Can you tell me your name?" I'm awake now, in a hospital. A doctor looms over me, her face kind and tired.<br />
<br />
"Emma Bradley. Am I okay? Is the baby okay?" panic creeps into my voice.<br />
<br />
"Emma, I'm Doctor Schaefer. You took a nasty fall. Can you tell me what happened?" the doctor asks.<br />
<br />
I take a breath, wincing at the incredible pain as I do so.<br />
<br />
"I'm not really sure. I was leaving a friend's house, we'd had a fight. I was upset and stressed out. I made it to the stairs before everything started going gray, then black. Now I'm here," my voice sounded like a child, shaky and scared. Why didn't she answer my question?<br />
<br />
"Do you have a history of fainting or blacking out?"<br />
<br />
I shake my head no.<br />
<br />
"Have you had any other dizzy spells during your pregnancy?"<br />
<br />
Again, I start to shake my head, then stop, "I've gotten dizzy standing up too quickly or when I first get out of bed, but never anything serious."<br />
<br />
"I see," Dr. Schaefer begins. "When was the last time you ate anything?"<br />
<br />
"Um, I'm not sure. I was under a lot of stress today and ate a small breakfast, I had no appetite. I don't think I've eaten since then."<br />
<br />
The doctor nods.<br />
<br />
"Emma, we need to keep you overnight for observation. You've bruised some ribs, hit your head and dislocated your collar bone. Nothing appears to be broken, but you are going to be very sore. You need to rest."<br />
<br />
"But what about my baby? Is she okay?" tears begin to fall now. Why had the doctor avoided my question?<br />
<br />
"There has been no bleeding or leaking of fluid, which would be a major cause for concern. We have contacted your prenatal care provider. An ultrasound will be performed to verify the fetal heartbeat is still strong. We will also be conducting a test to monitor the baby's movement over the course of three hours to ensure everything is fine. Until that point, all I can ask is that you be aware of how you're feeling. If you begin experiencing strong pain in the abdomen, notice an unusual lack of movement or feel like fluid may be leaking from you, notify someone immediately."<br />
<br />
I simply nod, not knowing what to say. Despite the pain in my own body, my primary concern is the health of my baby. The doctor leaves me alone in my room. I cradle my belly and begin to cry.<br />
<br />
I sit there alone for what feels like hours, straining to feel any sense of movement in my womb.Meg.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03152141196083805604noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1514938627340723017.post-1574439425021294532014-05-06T10:00:00.000-05:002014-05-06T10:00:06.361-05:00Curiosity Killed The Cat"I don't know what to say," Eric mumbled, looking down at his hands. His features were drawn, pained.<br />
<br />
I was clenching my jaw in anger so tightly, my teeth and head began to ache. I waited a beat for him to continue. He didn't utter another word. I broke the silence.<br />
<br />
"That's it, then? All you have to say is you don't know what to say?" I threw my hands up in exhasperation, exhaling forcefully.<br />
<br />
"I'm sorry." His voice was barely audible. I'm not sure if he was whispering, or if my anger was drowning out the sounds around me. <br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a>"Sorry doesn't even begin to cut it. What made you think you had the right to go through my personal accounts? Do you honestly think saying 'sorry' will make it all okay? I want an explanation now, and then I'm out the door." I spoke as calmly and firmly as possible. There would be absolutely no wiggle room in this situation. There would be no forgiveness, no earning my trust. I wasn't about to let Eric think he had a chance to make it up to me.<br />
<br />
"It just...escalated?" his words came out with an upward inflection, almost like he was asking me a question. I raised my eyebrows, indicating that he should go on.<br />
<br />
"After you left one night, I noticed your account was logged in. I got curious, I couldn't help it. I guess I wanted more insight into your mind. I was just curious who you talk to and if you talk about me at all. I snooped and it was wrong"<br />
<br />
"No, you did more than snoop. You kept logging into my account and then you got into my Facebook account! That goes above and beyond satisfying some stupid curiosity!" my voice was beginning to waver and I struggled to keep my emotions in check.<br />
<br />
"I guess when you logged in, you clicked the option to store your password. I was able to log in again on my own after that. I don't know what else I can say. I fucked up, Emma. I did. I don't know why I did it, other than wanting to know everything about you." The sadness in his voice seemed genuine, but I was not going to let that sway me.<br />
<br />
"That's still not a valid reason! You invaded my fucking privacy, knowing full well everything that is going on in my life. Did you not stop to think for even one second that your actions would hurt me? Did you not think I'd see my shit had been tampered with, and assume my mentally unstable ex did it and worry that the information I've shared with my lawyer would now be useless?"<br />
<br />
"You wouldn't be so pissed if you didn't have something to hide!" Eric straightened his back, finally looking me in the eye.<br />
<br />
"That's rich, Eric. Really rich. I have nothing to hide, as you should know since you read through years of personal correspondence and mindless Facebook conversations. I hope your curiosity was satisfied!" my anger returned in full force. I could feel my calm facade crumbling. Eric had some nerve trying to turn this around on me, insinuating that he'd found or read something incriminating. I recognized his tactics. Every other yellow and red flag that had popped up in the past were now raging alarm bells ringing in my head. This man who had once seemed so beautiful and charming and one-in-million had revealed himself for what he is: jealous, controlling, even manipulative. <br />
<br />
I shook my head sadly. Yet another thing in my life was crumbling to pieces before me. I couldn't dismiss the thought that Eric had just been a rebound I'd clung to like a buoy. I'd met him immediately after my split with Michael, before I'd even known I was pregnant. I'd met him before things had really gone to shit and he'd stuck by me. He'd accepted when I told him I was pregnant. He hadn't been ashamed to date a girl who was pregnant by another man. He'd treated me respectfully and acted like I was still desirable, despite my changing body and growing insecurities. I had honestly thought I could see a potential serious relationship between us. In my mind, that had made him a worthy man. We'd never really talked about his ex, Ruby, and why they split. I was beginning to suspect shed either cheated on him, which led to his ridiculous behavior or his behavior had finally taken a toll on her.<br />
<br />
I was curious, but didn't care enough to ask. Now it seemed strange to me that he'd never been open and forthcoming about his relationship with Ruby, after how open to talking about my relationship with Michael he'd been. Thoughts and emotions swirled through me. I felt dizzy and sick to my stomach. I'd never expected that a man like Eric would turn out to be just another jerk you hear about.<br />
<br />
My vision blurred for a moment, but soon my focus returned and I set my gaze on Eric.<br />
<br />
"I honestly thought we had a good thing developing between us, but this is an absolute deal breaker for me. I don't want to see you anymore. Please, do me a favor, and don't contact me in the future. I just cannot take this," I sighed, fighting back tears of anger and sorrow.<br />
<br />
"You know what I consider a deal breaker, Emma? Kids. So good for both of us, then," Eric snapped.<br />
<br />
I refused to let him see how much his words stung me. Obviously, I didn't want to be a single mom forever. Eventually, far in the future, I'd love to find someone to marry and raise a family with. I'd struggled internally with the idea that I would seem undesirable to many men because I'd behaving a child soon. What he said was truly a low blow. Yet, it gave me he strength I needed to end the conversation and turn towards the door.<br />
<br />
I swiftly made my way down the hall, barreling for the front door. Eric kept pace behind me, presumably to make sure I didn't go all cray-cray and destroy something before I left.<br />
<br />
Tears were running freely down my face now, yet I refused to give him the satisfaction of seeing how much his parting comment had hurt me. The door slammed loudly shut behind me and I heard the recognizable click as he locked the deadbolt.<br />
<br />
I paused at the top of the stairs, wiping mascara stained tears from my cheeks. I felt drained of all energy and emotion, quite suddenly. My head felt full of cotton.<br />
<br />
I took a heavy step to begin my descent, realizing all too late that my vision was going dark and fading at the edges. I had just enough of a coherent thought left to wrap my arms protectively around my belly before I felt my legs give way.<br />
<br />
The world around me went black.Meg.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03152141196083805604noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1514938627340723017.post-44789149242683867492014-05-02T10:00:00.000-05:002014-05-02T10:00:03.659-05:00Gotcha.My mouth went dry. I could feel my heartbeat in my throat and struggled to make sense of what I was reading. I knew immediately that it hadn't been Michael.<br />
<a name='more'></a>Rob's name was there, clear as day. Michael didn't even know Rob's name and would have no possible reason to block him on my Facebook account. I felt sick to my stomach, knowing that Eric would be the only person to have a reason to do this. How could someone I trusted and thought so highly of do something to violate my privacy like this?<br />
<br />
My mind raced, struggling to figure out how he could have accessed my email account. It was obvious based on my account login history that he'd had access for some time, now. Why he waited to get into my Facebook account was unclear to me. I took deep, calming breaths. In, out. Focus. Think. It dawned on me, then. A few weeks back, I'd logged in to my email account at his house to confirm our movie ticket purchase. That had been well before he'd shown unease towards me hanging out with Rob and it had even been before he told me he wanted us to make it more official and see each other exclusively.<br />
<br />
My first instinct was to call Kate, but by now, she'd be out with Jack. I knew she had been looking forward to their date and had no intention of interrupting that. Seeing Jack seemed to be great for her. She'd cut back on drinking and partying significantly and seemed more put-together overall. Calling Holly was out of the question, she'd be at work tending bar. Rob has already done so much for me, I couldn't bear to burden him yet again.<br />
<br />
I knew what I had to do. I forced myself to come down and rehearsed what I would say. As soon as the quaver left my voice and the sick feeling departed from my stomach, I picked up the phone and called Eric.<br />
<br />
"Hey, babe, I didn't expect you to call. I thought we'd decided tomorrow would be better for us?"<br />
<br />
I swallowed hard, steadying my nerves.<br />
<br />
"Actually, I really need to see you tonight. Can I come over?" I crossed my fingers, hoping I sounded casual.<br />
<br />
"Yeah, of course. My roommate is going out later, we'll have the place to ourselves for awhile," his voice dropped, sounding husky and inviting. Good, I thought. Let him think I'm coming over to spend some time between the sheets. It won't give him a chance to cook up a story.<br />
<br />
"Mm, sounds good," I forced myself to flirt back. "I'll be there in twenty."<br />
<br />
"See you soon, doll."<br />
<br />
I ended the call with shaking hands. Knowing he'd try to deny it, I grabbed the screenshots I'd printed the day before showing the IP address that had been logged. My plan was to pretend I needed to check my email when I got there, saying I was expecting a message from Rebecca. Once I was logged in on his computer, I'd pull up the active session on my account and compare the IP address it showed. If the IP address matched, the proof would be irrefutable. If it didn't match, I'd casually bring up the hacking and see what Eric had to say.<br />
<br />
I grabbed my overnight items (gotta look believable, right?), slipped the printed screenshots into my bag and headed out the door.<br />
<br />
When I arrived, Eric pulled me in for a kiss. It was tough kissing him back and pretending everything was perfectly fine. I pleasantly greeted his roommate, Adam. We made idle chit chat for a few moments before I was able to slide in that I needed to use the computer, if Eric didn't min Eric didn't even blink when I said I needed to check my email real quick. He continued talking with his roommate while I made my way to his bedroom where his computer was located.<br />
<br />
My nerves were shot as I logged in to my email. As expected, my phone vibrated, asking me to confirm I was logging in. At least I knew that feature was working. I pulled up log-in activity on my account, holding my breath and hoping I was wrong about Eric. I finally exhaled when I saw the IP address. It matched. It fucking matched.<br />
<br />
Have you ever been so angry that all sounded faded into a dull roar and your vision seemed to zero in? That's how I felt in that moment. Not knowing what else to do, I took a picture of the screen using my phone. I then took a quick screenshot and emailed it to myself, deleting the saved file from his computer after it showed up in my account. I worried that if I took much longer, Eric would come looking to see what I was up to. I quickly logged out and cleared the recent history.<br />
<br />
"Eric, can you come here for a sec?" I called. I didn't want to make a scene in front of Adam.<br />
<br />
I listened to Eric's footsteps as he approached. He entered the room, looking gorgeous and grinning at me.<br />
<br />
"Could you shut the door?" I asked.<br />
<br />
"Ya missed me that much, huh?" he shut the door and gave me a suggestive look.<br />
<br />
"Sit, please."<br />
<br />
He did. I stood then, fumbling for the papers in my bag. I stared him directly in the eyes and tossed them in his lap. I wasn't worried about him destroying them, I had backup copies at home.<br />
<br />
"You want to explain this?"<br />
<br />
I relished in how he flinched when he realized what the papers implicated.<br />
<br />
"Did you think I wouldn't fucking find out?" I demanded. "How dare you? Like I don't have enough shit to worry about, you pull a stunt like this?"<br />
<br />
Eric was silent, eyes downcast. The shame on his face was just as much proof to me as the matching IP address. He looked like a puppy that had been scolded for piddling on the rug. Still, he was silent.<br />
<br />
"Start talking and start talking now."<br />
<br />
<br />
.<br />
<br />Meg.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03152141196083805604noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1514938627340723017.post-87732574226842897592014-05-01T10:00:00.000-05:002014-05-01T10:00:07.201-05:00*Bonus Post* Shock and Aww"Do you think Michael would do that, though? I mean, he has to know that you'd find out someone got into your accounts. He'd have to be pretty stupid to risk it. It'll look really bad if he hacked the accounts of someone with a restraining order against him, especially after violating the order already." Kate spoke thoughtfully, swirling the ice in her drink.<br />
<div>
<a name='more'></a><br /></div>
<div>
I shrugged, thinking it over for a moment.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"You know, that's a good point. It <i>would</i> be idiotic, but Michael's shown himself to be unstable since we split up. Besides, who else would have a reason to do that? A random hacker would have done more, like send out spam or something. And it was a local IP address, someone doing it maliciously would've used a proxy or something and shown an IP address from somewhere really random. Honestly, I was way too upset last night to do much research and see if I could figure out who did it, but the answer seems obvious. Michael and I were together long enough that he could easily guess my password. Plus, he's really the only one with motive to do it." </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"Fair enough. Something just seems off to me, though," Kate shrugged. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"When I go home tonight, I'll look into it more. Obviously, I'll text you if and when I have proof who did it."</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"Hey, did you check your block list?" Kate practically shouted and I jumped. "Sorry, it just occurred to me that if Michael did it, he'd unblock himself so he could still look up your profile and see anything that other people tag about you! He'd probably unblock Manda, too! I still don't trust her. I feel like her big boo-hoo, I see the light now act was bullshit."</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"Damn, I never even thought about that! You're totally right, I'll look at it when I get home. I knew I kept you around for a reason," I teased. The thought to check out my block list on Facebook had never even occurred to me. Kate had brought up some very valid points. Talking through things with her was usually helpful, two minds tend to be better than one when trying to figure out a mystery or a solution to a problem.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"What'd Eric say when you told him about all this?" Kate raised an eyebrow at me.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"Shit, I forgot to even tell you! He blew me off last night. He was supposed to come over and spend the night, but I just wasn't in the mood so I asked him not to come. After I realized just how much info Michael could've seen, I had a meltdown and asked him to come by but he never texted me back." </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"Rude!" Kate interjected.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"Yeah, kinda. That's when I called you, though. I didn't want to be alone. Rob came over as soon as I texted him, so at least I had someone to talk to last night. He stayed all night."</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"Did you guys...?" Kate let the question hang.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"What? No!" I yelped. "I cried all over him and fell asleep on the couch. He must've fallen asleep, too, because when I woke up, he was still there, acting as my pillow."</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"Aww," Kate smiled broadly, "He's a good dude. You do know Eric will flip out, though, right? I mean, he had a fit when you and Rob were paired up playing board games. Yeah, yeah, he said its because you never turn to him when shit comes up, but you tried last night and he didn't even have the decency to call you."</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"That's true," I mumbled, picking at my nail polish, chipping it off in flecks. I always fidget when I'm nervous or upset. "He did text me this morning, though, saying sorry and telling me he'd gone out with his roommate for the night."</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"Well, just be careful how you phrase it. Or just don't mention it at all!" she suggested.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"Ugh, I'm not gonna lie about it. I'll figure something out. Hey, what time is Jack coming over tonight?" I asked, looking at the time on my phone. Kate had mentioned that Jack would be coming by to pick her up and they'd be going out for a drink. I knew she was hoping he'd spend the night with her for the first time. They'd kissed and made out, but I knew Kate was ready to take the next step. Years of having a crush on someone does that to a girl.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
She perked up, smiling hugely.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"He should be here pretty soon, actually! Like, within 20 minutes!"</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"Wellll, I know it's supposed to be a big night for you two, so I'll get out of your hair. Call me in the morning with details! That, or I'll just spy out my window and see what time he leaves," I teased her with an exaggerated wink. She lightly swatted at me, laughing.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I made the short trek across the courtyard back to my own apartment. As I started up the stairs, my neighbors door opened and a guy came barreling down, nearly knocking me over. I made a sound of annoyance. He gave me a weird look and continued on his way. I guess all neighbors can't be as awesome as Rob and Kate!</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I made a cup of tea and sat down with my laptop. I was determined to figure out who had hacked my accounts and why. Remembering Kate's suggestion, I pulled up Facebook and opened up my account settings. I fully expected to see Michael's name missing from my block list. What I saw instead drained all of the color from my face. My lips felt numb and a wave of nausea washed over me.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Michael, Manda and a few others were still blocked. At the bottom of the block list, however, a new name had been added.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<i>**Come back Friday morning for the regularly scheduled post to find out whose name had been added and how Emma reacts! Share your thoughts and theories in the comments, I love reading what you all have to say.**</i></div>
Meg.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03152141196083805604noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1514938627340723017.post-77299839616451878362014-04-29T10:00:00.000-05:002014-04-29T10:00:01.617-05:00Thank You For Being A FriendOf course, I had immediately screenshotted and printed a copy of the email Facebook had sent me logging the IP and time stamp of the password change. It showed that it had been done through my personal email account, but that password hadn't been altered. Did you guys know that Gmail logs the most recent access to your email account, showing the IP address of your most recent log-ins with the time and date? I saved a screenshot of that, too, noting that the IP that had changed my Facebook password had also accessed my Gmail account. I also printed a hard copy. I have to say I was surprised when I saw multiple logs in my Gmail with that same IP address. Obviously whoever had done this had had access to my email for a little while, yet hadn't done anything until now.<br />
<br />
I quickly changed my email and Facebook passwords, ending all other log-in sessions as I did so. It may sound stupid, but I felt violated. I have years worth of saved communications on both my Facebook and email accounts. I'm like a pack rat when it comes to my messages, I never delete them, I just create archived folders to store them in. Knowing that I was still on the clock and therefore needed to be working, I logged out of my personal accounts and pushed the worry aside for the rest of the day.<br />
<br />
When I got home from work, I signed in to my email and Facebook account using my new passwords. I scoured through everything, hoping to find what may be amiss. Nothing appeared to be missing or noticeably changed in my email. I found no record of any emails sent from my account, but if theperson were smart, they may have deleted anything they sent. Still, the person who'd done this had full access to all of my contacts via Gmail, which I have synced with my phone (thank God, that had made it incredibly easy to import all of my contacts when Michael had destroyed my old phone). This person could easily have saved that information, now knowing the phone numbers of those nearest and dearest to me. I felt so frustrated and helpless, not knowing what they'd seen or saved or destroyed. <br />
<br />
I turned my attention to my Facebook account. Now that I was home and on my own time, I made it a point to go through and update all of my security settings. I'd previously had a bit of information visible to Public and mutual friends (friend of a friend? I'm not sure how to describe it). The friend-of-friend option had been what allowed Manda to see a few pictures I'd shared. I updated all of my settings, making every single thing viewable to Friends Only with a select few items visible to Me Only. I also enabled SMS notifications for log-ins and changed the settings so I'd be notified via text immediately if someone logged in to my account from an unfamiliar browser. I double-checked that no other sessions were active and deleted all "approved" browsers, meaning even when I logged in at work, I'd have to manually accept that browser.<br />
<br />
It was tiring, really, going through all of this. I chastised myself for not being more aware of my social media and email accounts. I hadn't taken the time to enable security measures to keep my accounts thoroughly protected. I also updated my security questions and enabled text confirmation for log-ins to my email account. I was confident now that if anyone tried to access my accounts, unless they physically had my phone in hand, their attempts would be thwarted. At the very least, I'd be notified immediately of any suspicious activity.<br />
<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<br />
My head was pounding and I was so over all of this shit. I texted Eric to let him know I wasn't up for getting together that night. We'd made tentative plans earlier in the day for him to stay the night, but I just wasn't in the mood for company. He called me back almost immediately after I texted him.<br />
<br />
"Hey, babe. You're not canceling on me because of last night, are you?" his tone was concerned with a tinge of annoyance. His annoyance annoyed me.<br />
<br />
"No," I sighed, "this has nothing to do with yesterday. I've just had a really draining day and I'm not feeling great. I'm sorry."<br />
<br />
"You sure? I bet I could make you feel better," Eric dropped his voice, clearly hinting at something. Despite myself, I smiled. I'm sure he could hear the smile in my voice.<br />
<br />
"I'm sure you could, but I just want to relax and go to bed. I'm really not in the mood for company. I'll talk to you tomorrow and we can make plans, okay?"<br />
<br />
He sighed, silent for a moment.<br />
<br />
"Yeah, that's fine. Feel better. Goodnight, kitten."<br />
<br />
"Goodnight, sleep well."<br />
<br />
I hung up the phone and sprawled out on the couch. I couldn't be sure if the email/Facebook hacking was related to Michael, and it had been eating away at me. Until I figured out who it was, I was unsure if I should contact Officer Reilly. Instead, I decided to send an email to Rebecca. I grabbed my phone and opened my Gmail app. I let her know that my accounts had been accessed by an unknown person but I had documented their IP address and had a short record of their access to my account. I offered to send her the screenshots if needed, in case it turned out to be Michael, and asked her if there were any other steps I could take. After I hit send, it dawned on me that all of my correspondences with Rebecca were saved in my email. If Michael had gone through my account, he'd now be fully aware of my contact with a lawyer and everything we had discussed.<br />
<br />
"I'm such a fucking idiot," I whispered to nobody but myself. This could throw a real wrench into everything. Tears welled up in my eyes, spilling over and dragging trails of mascara down my cheeks. Didn't I have enough on my damn plate to worry about? I cried, alone in my apartment, childishly wishing my mama could be there to comfort me. I knew she would already be asleep, living on the east coast meant it was an hour later there. Besides, calling and waking her up for something that wasn't an emergency would be stupid. I needed a hug, desperately, and I was regretting telling Eric not to come over. I picked up my phone to call him, then felt guilty. I felt like I'd be burdening him with drama that isn't his to worry about. I know last night he had said he wants to be there for me. I decided calling him while bawling my eyes out might freak him out, so I sent a text instead, simply saying I'd changed my mind and could use some company if he wanted to come by.<br />
<br />
An hour passed with no response from Eric. This set me off into a fresh fit of tears. It now felt like he'd been lying about why he was so jealous of Rob. If he truly wanted to be the one I turn to when I need to be comforted and coddled, he would have at least had the dignity to text or call me back, even just to say no, he wasn't coming. With shaking hands, I dialed Kate's cell. She didn't answer, but called back five minutes later.<br />
<br />
"Baby, what's wrong? You're crying," she cooed. Loud music thumped in the background.<br />
<br />
"I'm just having a shit day and need someone," I wailed.<br />
<br />
"Did something happen? I'm at the club, but if you need me, I'll leave now and be there within an hour."<br />
<br />
"Nothing major, just some stupid things. You don't need to leave the club, we can talk tomorrow, it's fine. I'll text you the gist of it when we hang up, I know you're probably busy," I sniffled, feeling guilty for bugging her at work. She doesn't have a set schedule at the club so I'm never sure when she's there.<br />
<br />
"I'm serious, if you need me, I'll come home now."<br />
<br />
"It's fine, I promise. I'll see you tomorrow."<br />
<br />
We hung up and I sat in silence. I didn't even bother with music or the tv. It was so sweet of Kate to offer to rush home for me. Who needed Eric when I had a BFF like Kate? Against my better judgement, knowing the late hour, I picked up my phone and texted Rob, asking he could come over.<br />
<br />
Not even five minutes later, he was at my door. I threw myself into his arms, crying against his shirt. He rubbed my back in small circles, softly asking what had happened. Through tears, I blurted out everything. The Facebook issue, the compromised email, how far away I was from my mom, how Eric had been acting, how stressed i was about the baby coming soon, all of it. My words were a sobbing rush but with each sentence, I felt lighter, less tense. <br />
<br />
I leaned against Rob's shoulder, his arm draped around my own shoulders. God bless him, he never interrupted. He just let me bawl and spill my guts, saying soothing things where appropriate. I felt so drained, emotionally and physically. I felt my eyelids growing heavy as I mumbled. I drifted off to sleep, my arms locked around Rob's torso.<br />
<br />
I was surprised to wake up the next morning, still curled up against Rob on my couch. <br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>**Come back on Thursday for a bonus post! I'd meant to write one last week but neglected to announce or schedule it. Let me know in the comments what you all think of the hacking fiasco, Eric blowing off Emma and her night with Rob, along with any other thoughts or criticism you may have.. Thanks for reading!** </i>Meg.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03152141196083805604noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1514938627340723017.post-92140067189847539752014-04-25T07:20:00.003-05:002014-04-25T07:20:52.125-05:00Insecurities"Just what is that supposed to mean?" I fought to hide the exasperation in my voice. Eric had been the one to suggest meeting Rob in the first place. I'd hoped that meeting Rob would put his mind at ease about our friendship. Judging by the look on his face, this was not the case.<br />
<br />
"Seriously? What do you think it means? I don't like how he looks at you. He looks at you like you belong to him or something and he needs to protect you."<br />
<br />
"He's protective of me, yeah, because he cares about my well being. You weren't here when Michael tried pounding down the door. You didn't witness how scary it was for me and how dangerous it could have been if Rob hadn't stepped in!" I nervously twisted the hem of my shirt. I hate arguments and confrontation. I prefer rational, calm conversations over emotional outbursts. Arguing stresses me out, I could feel my stomach start churning.<br />
<br />
Eric pursed his lips, furrowing his brow. He looked hurt and like he was struggling to find something to say.<br />
<br />
"I get that. I've kicked myself a hundred times over because I wasn't there for you. It should be my job to keep you safe and lift you up, not his. I should be the one swooping in to save the day. I should be the one you cry on when you need to and the one you run to after a tough day." His voice broke a little as he spoke and he trailed off. I was shocked to see the sheen of tears welling up in his eyes.<br />
<br />
"You are that person for me, but so is Rob. So is Kate. I have a strong support system, I'm very lucky in that respect. That doesn't mean you should feel inadequate! If anything, you should be happy that I have people who care about me and look out for me! You shouldn't be jealous of my friends, Eric. It's not fair to me." I squeezed his hand, searching his face for an indication that what I said was getting through to him.<br />
<br />
Eric sighed, visibly relaxing. He rubbed his temple with the hand I wasn't grasping, looking ashamed.<br />
<br />
"Emma, I'm sorry. You're right, you are so right. I've been feeling jealous and like I'm not enough. I shouldn't be lashing out at you when I'm the one with an issue. I'm sorry, babe, I am." Eric leaned in, gently brushing his lips against mine.<br />
<br />
I could totally understand how he was feeling, really. Every man wants to feel like they can protect their girl better than anyone. While I may not agree with how he went about expressing those feelings, I could understand them. He felt threatened in the sense that he wasn't strong enough to support and protect me, which came out in the form of jealousy.<br />
<br />
I led him to my room so we could both relax and talk it out. We talked for hours until we fell asleep. I fell asleep thankful that he would try harder to express his feelings when they arose, instead of bottling things up.<br />
<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a>******<br />
<br />
I spent the beginning of my work day focused on my daily reports. Our call volume had dropped significantly, as it often did in the spring. There really wasn't a lot for me to do once my reports were completed. It was relaxing to sit at my desk and know there were no urgent matters or deadlines to worry about. I idly texted Kate off and on to pass the time. We talked about Eric, mostly. Kate is brutally honest with me and I was relieved when she told me she liked Eric. She admitted that he seemed a bit standoffish but she could tell he was really into me and she loved seeing me smile and look so happy. Kate did agree with me that Eric's feelings toward Rob were a bit troubling, yet understandable. <br />
<br />
With the unexpected free time during my work day, I found myself thinking a lot about the baby. I'm approaching 6 months, now, and I'm starting to feel a bit panicked. I mean, yeah, I'd felt panicked when I found out I was pregnant. I'd been on birth control for years without an issue. I always took my pill around the same time of day. I've always known I wanted to be a mom, but I pictured that day coming a lot later than it did. I'd never thought my birth control would fail and when I first found out I was pregnant, I wracked my brain to figure out how. My relationship with Michael had been rocky then and we didn't have sex very often at the time. I had suffered a bout with food poisoning that lasted a few days and resulted in me throwing up quite often. It never occurred to me that I'd basically thrown up my pill each of those days. Based on the timeline, that incident had led me to where I am now.<br />
<br />
I still have so many things to buy and prepare for. None of my close friends have children yet, so I have nobody to turn to. I've been considering signing up for a pregnancy forum to have an even stronger support group. Knowing that I will be responsible for a life soon is overwhelming at times. Will I be a good mother? Will my daughter be healthy and happy? Will Michael get his shit together in time to forget about the whole need for a restraining order?<br />
<br />
Having down time at work was doing a number on my thought processes and I forced myself to stop worrying and over thinking every little aspect. Using Facebook at work is kind of frowned upon, but my boss doesn't really care as long as my work is done.<br />
<br />
I kept my work email open on one monitor and brought up Facebook in the other. I was surprised when my log-in failed. I tried again, thinking I'd typed my password incorrectly. I opened my personal email and was shocked to find an email from Facebook showing my password had been changed.<br />
<br />
I scrolled to the bottom of the email where I found the IP address had been logged. Sighing in frustration, I copied it down. At least now I had something new to fret about. Meg.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03152141196083805604noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1514938627340723017.post-7398207771455636252014-04-22T05:23:00.000-05:002014-04-22T05:28:29.446-05:00InterventionHolly and I met up for a good, old fashioned girl date today filled with Panera, thrifting and a heart to heart. I could eat Panera daily, really. There is something so delicious and appealing about everything they have to offer. Panera is also the one "fast" food place I've been to that has never messed up my order (ugh, don't get me started on my last McD's visit - I waited 14 minutes for my chicken wrap and when I received it finally, it was the wrong wrap. Not gonna lie, I cried. Damn hormones!). I crave Panera's hibiscus iced tea. I don't know exactly how they make it, Google has failed me. But damn, it's delicious. I've gone to Panera on my short lunch break three times this week <i>just</i> to get a hibiscus iced tea.<br />
<br />
Holly and I sat in a small booth, people watching while we chatted over our meals. I had noticed a mid-twenties guy wearing headphones while he worked on his laptop. I'd seen him there before, always sitting alone and working. I wondered if he was a writer or a student. I was watching him from the corner of my eye when I noticed a well-dressed blonde woman approach him, carrying a small baby in a carrier. I smiled broadly, admiring the baby from afar. I assumed it to be his wife or girlfriend. Without a word, she set the baby carrier down on his table, effectively taking up half the space, which I found quite odd.<br />
<br />
I returned my focus to Holly, letting her vent about how run down she had become while working two jobs. Loud laughter caught my attention and I looked up to see the blonde sitting at a large table with similarly well-groomed women. They were talking and laughing quite loudly amongst themselves. The mom's back was turned to her infant baby still perched atop the young guy's table. He had a look of horror and shock on his face. I nudged Holly under the table and whispered to her to take a look.<br />
<br />
In hushed tones, I repeated what I'd seen: the blonde woman had set her baby down on this guy's table and was then joined by her girlfriends. She hadn't spared a second glance at her kid and it soon became obvious that the guy didn't even know her!<br />
<br />
Holly and I watched to see if the lady would turn around for her kid and she never did. Seeing that poor, tiny baby left on a stranger's table just infuriated me. I felt sorry for the young guy who looked downright repulsed by the baby and the woman's behavior but he hadn't said a word. I can't even imagine what was going through his mind. I was furious at the woman for ditching her baby like that. From the looks of it, the baby couldn't be more than 6 weeks old. And here was the mother, setting her baby down like a burdensome shopping bag. What if that guy had been some sort of deranged person or baby kidnapper?<br />
<br />
I spoke in hushed tones to Holly, whispering fiercely that this woman had a lot of balls and a lack of brain activity. Smoothing my clothes and plastering on a saccharine smile, I sauntered over to where they sat.<br />
<br />
I made eye contact with the guy (who was actually quite adorable, now that I was seeing him up close) and smiled sweetly.<br />
<br />
"What a lovely baby you have! What's his name?" I cooed, wondering if the mother would notice<br />
<br />
He stammered, "Uh, it's actually not mine." He gestured towards the lady who was still absorbed in catching up with friends.<br />
<br />
"Not your baby? Then why is he on your table?" I asked loudly.<br />
<br />
Finally, I had the blonde's attention. She turned sharply and looked me up and down, wrinkling her nose.<br />
<br />
"Is there a problem?" she snapped.<br />
<br />
"Actually, there is. Just what the hell are you thinking setting your baby on a stranger's table? Are you that self-absorbed?"<br />
<br />
She gaped at me, mouth opening and closing without a word. I heard snickers from her friends as they stared pointedly at the situation.<br />
<br />
"That's none of your business."<br />
<br />
"You're right, lady, it's not. But you should seriously take better care of your kid. What if someone just grabbed his carrier and walked out the door? Would you even notice?" I crossed my arms, refusing to break eye contact.<br />
<br />
The woman looked suddenly ashamed and alarmed. Without so much as a mumbled sorry, she gathered up her kid and returned to her friends.<br />
<br />
"Uh, thanks for that." The guy spoke meekly, running a hand through his hair.<br />
<br />
I smiled, told him it was my pleasure and returned to Holly. We cleaned up our table, I refilled my tea and we headed out the door.<br />
<br />
"Oh my, god, I can't believe this is real life right now!" Holly choked out through laughter. "You're gonna be an awesome mama."<br />
<br />
I smiled at her, thankful she didn't think I had acted like a crazy person. I've always hated seeing bad parenting go on but I'd never butted in before. I know it isn't my place to tell someone how to raise or care for their child, but that lady's behavior needed to be called out.<br />
<br />
After our interesting lunch date, Holly and I visited a few thrift stores. I'm proud to say I found a perfect vanity and nightstand for my room. Hopefully on my next visit, I score a great coffee table and a tiny dresser for the baby's room.<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<br />
********<br />
<br />
Well, it's official. I now have to wear maternity clothes. I found a few great items at Old Navy that were affordable and flattering. Luckily, I still have a lot of my normal clothes that I can still wear, but I won't be able to for long.<br />
<br />
I busied myself around the kitchen after my girl date with Holly. I'd invited Kate, Holly, Dale and Rob for dinner so Eric could meet and get to know my closest friends. I was nervous, hoping they all approved. I highly value their opinions on basically everything. Plus, after my talk with Eric last week and his apparent insecurity over my friendship with Rob, I wanted to have more people around as a buffer. I thought it would be awkward just to have Rob and Eric over. I didn't want anyone feeling left out or like a third wheel.<br />
<br />
I had already made a large pitcher of iced tea and went about preparing everything. I'd polled my friends and everyone had agreed on taco night. Kate was bringing her delicious guacamole and Rob had offered to bring over some beer for everyone who might want some. I had a crock pot filled with Ro-Tel and a few bags of chips for everyone. Rob had brought over a long folding table so I could set things out buffet style. I'd prepared shredded cheese, diced tomatoes, shredded lettuce and some salsa. I had tortillas warming in the oven and the seasoned beef simmering on the stove.<br />
<br />
Kate was the first to arrive, guacamole in hand. She helped me set up while we waited for everyone else to arrive. Dale had texted that he would be late and not to wait on him to start eating. Rob knocked a few minutes later, looking relaxed in a Foo Fighters band tee and dark jeans. His style always seemed effortless, even when it was just a tshirt and jeans. Holly and Eric arrived about one minute apart.<br />
<br />
I introduced Eric to everyone. He'd met Kate briefly but he had yet to meet Rob and Holly. He shook Rob's hand firmly and gave him a tight-lipped smile, sizing him up. Rob looked amused, but when doesn't Rob look amused? Eric's greeting to Holly was a lot warmer and he said how great it was to finally meet her after hearing so much about her. Holly flushed and looked flattered.<br />
<br />
Knowing Dale would be late, I announced to everyone that food was ready when they are. I smiled proudly as everybody filled their plates and prepared their soft tacos. Conversation was light and good-natured. Eric seemed a bit more relaxed now, which helped me relax. I desperately wanted Eric and my friends to get along and enjoy each other.<br />
<br />
After dinner, I set aside a plate for Dale and quickly put everything away with some help from Kate. I listened happily as Eric and Rob chatted with each other, seeming to get along.<br />
<br />
I took a seat on the couch, closest to Eric. He placed his hand on my knee, where it remained for most of the night. Since I'd only recently moved in, I didn't have much in the form of entertainment. Holly, game night goddess that she is, had brought over a few games including Scattergories, Trivial Pursuit and Cranium. Dale had finally arrived and chowed down his food when we all decided to play Cranium. To make things fair when it came to teams, I wrote down primary and secondary colors and dropped them into a cup. You were partnered up with your complementary color (red/green, blue/orange, purple/yellow) based on who drew what.<br />
<br />
I couldn't help but notice Eric's scowl when I ended up being paired with Rob. The game was fun and everyone appeared to be having a good time. I'm happy to say that Rob and I won (I'm competitive when it comes to board games!).<br />
<br />
The rest of the night was uneventful, really. It was a short get-together,, being a weeknight. I was just thrilled to see Eric getting along with my friends. Holly had whispered her approval before leaving and shot me a wink. Soon, everyone had left but Eric.<br />
<br />
His mood had changed once everyone left. Eric had been pleasant and talkative with everyone, seemingly enjoying himself. Now that we were alone, his face had turned sullen.<br />
<br />
Looking into my eyes, he sighed and grasped my hand.<br />
<br />
"I don't like the way he looks at you."<br />
<br />
<br />Meg.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03152141196083805604noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1514938627340723017.post-69516722291783327452014-04-18T05:05:00.003-05:002014-04-18T05:05:50.822-05:00Just FriendsI've spent the past few days unpacking and settling in at my new place. I have the basics (couch, bed, dishes) but I basically started from scratch. I plan on checking out a few thrift stores for fun items or small furniture. As a kid, I always loved going to yard sales and rummage sales with my grandma. I would sort through books, toys and random items. It's safe to say that at least a third of my current wardrobe has been accrued through thrifting. I just love finding unique items, especially for cheap. I'm wary of buying bedding or upholstered furniture through second-hand stores, though, which is why I splurged on a brand new couch and mattress. I'm hoping to find a coffee table, a nightstand, maybe a cool lamp or some decorative things. I'm excited to make the place my own.<br />
<br />
I found myself daydreaming about thrifting instead of focusing on my work. I forced my mind to get back on track and busied myself with my daily reports. Really, I just felt antsy for the work-day to end. Don't get me wrong, I like my job and I have a strong work ethic, but I'm planning on making dinner for Eric tonight for the first time. He's meeting me at my apartment around 9:30pm. It's funny to think we are both so accustomed to eating dinner that late. Just a few months ago, I would've balked at the idea of having dinner any later than 7. <br />
<br />
The day ended up going by quicker than I thought it would. My day had run smoothly and efficiently, and I soon found myself waving goodbye to a few coworkers as I clocked out and headed home.<br />
<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<br />
Eric and I were snuggled up on the couch after dinner. I'd prepared homemade Alfredo sauce over fettuccini, topped with garlic butter shrimp and finely shredded Parmesan. He had complimented me on the meal, kissing me softly while he thanked me for dinner. It felt so normal and domestic. I'd missed cooking for someone else. I loved watching people enjoy a meal I'd prepared for them. I hadn't done much cooking while living with Kate and hadn't realized until now just how much I'd missed doing so.<br />
<br />
We talked about our respective days, unwinding together. Eric had his fingers laced through mine, stroking small circles on the back of my hand with his thumb. I sighed in contentment, leaning my head on his shoulder. Eric apologized for not helping me move in, and I assured him I'd had plenty of help between Dale, Kate and Rob.<br />
<br />
At the mention of Rob's name, I felt his body stiffen, almost imperceptibly.<br />
<br />
"Rob's your neighbor?" he asked. I could tell he was trying to sound casual, but wasn't exactly succeeding. I know I'd made reference to Rob before. I'd mentioned how he'd helped me out that night when Michael had shown up drunk at Kate's door. I'd also mentioned how his sister was a lawyer and had offered to help me out. I'd even mentioned that he'd accompanied me to game night. Why Eric was playing clueless, I had no idea.<br />
<br />
"Well, not anymore. He's Kate's neighbor. But he's also my friend." I offered. "I know I've mentioned him to you."<br />
<br />
"Friend. Hm." was the response I received. His tone was curt, hard to read. I noticed that he'd stopped rubbing the back of my hand, and I sat up, turning to face him.<br />
<br />
"Yes, 'friend'." I parroted. We'd been having such a lovely night together, but things seemed tense now. I was genuinely confused by Eric's reaction. I blinked slowly, studying his face, hoping for some hint as to what was going through his mind.<br />
<br />
"And he knows he's just a friend?" Eric inquired, raising an eyebrow.<br />
<br />
I couldn't help it, I laughed. I'm one of those people who laughs when nervous or faced with an awkward or mildly uncomfortable situation. Eric scowled a bit, seeming confused by the fact that I was laughing.<br />
<br />
I shook my head, trying to regain my composure.<br />
<br />
"Yes, Eric, he knows he's just a friend. He's a good guy, he looks out for me. And he knows I'm dating you, by the way. Oh, and he thought Kate and I were a couple when we first met, so it's not like he helped me out thinking he'd get in my pants." I squeezed his hand reassuringly. His face softened a bit.<br />
<br />
"Well, if he's such a good friend, I'd like to meet him and thank him for keeping you safe."<br />
<br />
I leaned in and kissed Eric, happy with his response. He was visibly more relaxed. I'm not sure if he was feeling jealous or threatened by my friendship with Rob, or maybe he was just feeling insecure. Despite the fact that we've been talking for months now, the "exclusive" label is brand new.<br />
<br />
"I'd like that, I really would," I said softly, meeting his eyes. I could almost feel the tension leaving the room. Eric wrapped an arm around me, pulling me closer.<br />
<br />
"Sorry for being weird just now," he murmured, kissing my temple. We sat that way in relative silence for a long while. I only realized I'd fallen asleep when Eric woke me up to tell me to come to bed.<br />
<br />
<i>** Apologies for a somewhat short post. It was my birthday this week and I slacked a bit on writing in advance. Keep an eye out for a bonus post next week! **</i><br />
<br />Meg.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03152141196083805604noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1514938627340723017.post-79895328596481823112014-04-15T07:00:00.000-05:002014-04-15T07:00:08.511-05:00Past And PresentKate and I were stretched out on her couch, the tv playing in the background. Neither of us were really paying attention to the show, we were too busy talking, laughing and reminiscing. It would be my last night staying with Kate. By this time the following night, I'd be curled up in my own bed in my own apartment. I couldn't wait. I finally felt like pieces of my life were falling into place. Work was going surprisingly well, I hadn't heard a peep from Michael, Eric and I had decided to see each other exclusively and I'd be in my own place preparing for the baby to come. I'd been adding quite a few things to my Amazon wish list to keep track of what I wanted and needed to prepare. Holly had offered to host a baby shower at her place the following month. She's quite the hostess, I'm really looking forward to it!<br />
<br />
"Oh man, remember those disgusting cookies we made at Ashley's? The boys tried so hard to be nice and pretend they liked them!" Kate laughed. <br />
<br />
She was referring to a slumber party we'd had in high school. For some reason, we had come up with the idea to make the most terrible cookies possible and deliver them to Ashley's boyfriend, David, and a few of our mutual guy friends. We'd added soy sauce, Diet Coke, salt and a few other random ingredients. The cookies looked totally fine (we threw in chocolate chips, too!) but the taste was just horrendous. It was not uncommon for Ashley to bring baked goods to school or get-togethers so they boys were totally unsuspecting. It was the funniest thing watching them try not to make faces, while feigning enthusiasm and enjoyment. I can't remember who cracked first, me or Kate, but once the laughter started, we were all in hysterics. <br />
<br />
The boys took our little prank in stride and got us back at a future date. We were having yet another slumber party at Ashley's, and they'd snuck into the yard. They did little things like tap lightly at the window and rustle about in the yard. We never spotted them and the sounds died down. Around 3am, though, one of them used a deer caller and it made the strangest, most terrifying sound while one of the boys pounded on the window with a mask on. We all screamed and ran for Ashley's parents room, nearly sobbing and insisting there was a murderer trying to get us. Her folks were in on it, though, and scared us some more!<br />
<br />
Thinking back on those times was fun. High school wasn't that long ago, really, but life just seemed so much more carefree and innocent then. Kate and I talked some more about the antics we'd gotten up to in our past. I reminded her of the first New Year's Eve we had spent at our first apartment. We were 18, then, and although I'm not much of a drinker in recent years, I did drink on occasion during that time. Kate's older sister would buy us booze so we could have a little fun.<br />
<br />
We had gotten tipsy in our apartment and came up with the brilliant idea to wander around our apartment complex in the dark, looking for a party to crash. We came upon one apartment with loud music that sounded like a party, so we mustered up the courage to knock. A gangsta looking guy opened the door looking menacing, but visibly relaxed when he saw it was just two young girls with a stupid idea. Their apartment was full of people and we heard someone yell, "We thought you was the cops!"<br />
<br />
One of the female party-goers dubbed us "those crazy white girls" and insisted we take pictures with them. It was fun, but looking back it could've gone very poorly for us if we'd knocked on the wrong door. On our trek back to our building, we ran into a few guys around our age that we'd seen around the complex before, and they invited us back to their place for some beers. I dozed off on the couch while Kate hooked up with one of them and the other two guys had gone to bed. I remember waking up, slightly drunk and disoriented and feeling the urge that I needed to rush home. I stumbled outside, it was still dark and freezing but a weird fog had settled. I sprinted home with thoughts of Jack the Ripper and werewolves plaguing my mind. It was only when I got back inside that I remembered I'd left Kate behind! I ran the whole way back, still fearful, and dragged Kate out of bed. Together, we raced back to our place, screaming with laughter about the night's events.<br />
<br />
Kate and I laughed some more about stupid things we've done, dumb fights we had and good times in our lives. Eventually, the conversation turned to current times and she brought up her not-quite-date with Jack.<br />
<br />
"It was kinda weird, actually. He was really quiet and seemed like he was lost in his own head the whole time. We did make plans to go out again, though, so maybe he was nervous? We made out in his car, so I guess that's a good sign?" we dissected the date further and I agreed with Kate that he may have been nervous. Now that it was out in the open that they 'liked' each other, he could be feeling vulnerable. I reassured her that their next outing was actually labeled a date, so that was a good sign.<br />
<br />
We talked some more about Eric. Kate was hard to read when I announced that Eric had suggested we make things exclusive between us. I've been seeing him exclusively for quite some time, but I'm unsure if he's gone on other dates with different women. At least now the framework is in place.<br />
<br />
"Sooo, he's your boyfriend now?" she raised her eyebrows.<br />
<br />
"Well, no. But I'm assuming that's the next step. We've agreed that neither of us want to date anyone else. It's not like a serious relationship or anything. It's not Facebook official!" I laughed. It seems like everyone these days treats Facebook as the word of god or something. Like, a relationship isn't real until it has been confirmed on Facebook. It's weird, but that's modern culture now, I guess.<br />
<br />
"Does that mean you won't be seeing Rob anymore?" Kate inquired, tilting her head.<br />
<br />
"Huh? I've told you, Rob's my friend. We were never dating."<br />
<br />
"Yeah, but you like, cooked him breakfast and hung out at his house and you guys have gone out for food together. That's basically dating to most people!"<br />
<br />
"You and Dale do that stuff all the time! You guys aren't dating!"<br />
<br />
"Yeah, but we've known each other for a long time and used to hang out in groups before we started hanging out with just each other."<br />
<br />
"What does length of time have to do with anything, though? Rob isn't into me, I'm not into him. There's no weird sexual tension or anything." I was feeling somewhat exasperated. Kate and I have already talked about my friendship with Rob, so why was she bringing it up again?<br />
<br />
"Emma, don't be like that," she soothed, "I know he's your friend, but how will Eric feel about it? I mean, wouldn't you be a little weirded out if he had a female friend he hung out with all the time?"<br />
<br />
I thought it over for a bit. I hadn't considered that. I guess I hadn't considered how Eric would feel at all. I assured Kate that I'd discuss it with Eric when appropriate, but I wasn't cutting off my friendship with Rob. Only controlling people make you end a healthy, normal friendship with someone. It's one thing to convince someone not to hang out with a person who is destructive or toxic to them and entirely another thing to make someone stop hanging out with someone purely because of the genitalia they were born with. I shook my head, indicating I was no longer interested in this path of conversation. <br />
<br />
Soon we were turning in for the night. I had to be up super early (for me) to sign the remaining lease paperwork, pick up my keys and wait for the movers. <br />
<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<br />
<br />
******<br />
<br />
"Ah, you guys are awesome!" I exclaimed, feeling tears of happiness welling up. Kate, Rob and Dale had surprised me by moving all of my things out of Kate's and trekking it across the courtyard to my new place. I didn't have very much, but the fact that they did this all for me was very touching. I insisted upon picking up a few six packs for them to enjoy and some pizza for dinner. So far, my new couch and small dining set had been delivered so there were plenty of places for them to sit and hang out. I was only waiting on my bed to arrive. Of course, the furniture place gives you a broad window for delivery and insists you must be there right when they arrive or you're shit outta luck.<br />
<br />
Dale surprised me with some cookware and brand new dishes! He even gifted me with a beautiful cast iron skillet that his mom no longer had use for. It was already perfectly seasoned, and I thanked him <span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">profusely. I had a few essentials but nothing like that. The dish set was very simple and lovely. I guess he'd paid attention to Kate when I lamented that Michael had kept our dishes I'd loved so much.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><br /></span>
Kate helped me start unpacking my toiletries and beauty products. I always feel so much more comfortable in a new place once the bathroom is set up. I don't know why, but once the bathroom is finished, I feel more at home. We finished up and moved on to the kitchen. I loaded up the dishwasher (another Emma quirk, I loved unloading the dishwasher and putting away the dishes when I'm in a new place. It feels more like the home is established instead of being moved into). <br />
<br />
I practically squealed with joy when my bed arrived! The movers set it up and I immediately made the bed with my freshly washed sheets and comforter. The apartment was already starting to look like a home, especially thanks to my friends.<br />
<br />
We spent the late afternoon eating pizza and hanging out. Kate had to work at the club,and ducked out after giving me a huge hug and kiss on the cheek. Dale left with her, leaving just me and Rob. He offered to leave so I could enjoy my new space, but I insisted he stay for a bit.<br />
<br />
We relaxed for a little while, Rob sipping on a beer while we chatted. It felt so liberating to be in my very own place. I'd never lived without a roommate before and looked forward to it. Rob had to leave to meet up with some friends of his for the night. I thanked him again, joking that he's my knight in shining armor, always there when I'm in need. I stepped out on my balcony and watched with a smile as he strolled across the courtyard back to his apartment. I smiled even more broadly when I realized I could perfectly see his place and Kate's from my balcony. I could totally picture Kate and I talking on the phone while sitting on our respective balconies and looking at each other.<br />
<br />
That night, as I settled in to the middle of my huge, comfortable bed, I thanked the universe for gifting me with such wonderful friends. Meg.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03152141196083805604noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1514938627340723017.post-4792532068933967792014-04-11T04:28:00.000-05:002014-04-11T04:28:01.314-05:00Date NightConversation flowed easily as we enjoyed our meals at a place specializing in tapas. We started off with lightly breaded fried goat cheese with a honey-chili sauce for dipping. It melted in my mouth. The sweet, slightly spicy honey sauce really brought out the rich flavor of the goat cheese. I don't know if you've ever had goat cheese, but it reminds me of a slightly richer, more flavorful cream cheese. Eric then ordered shrimp and scallop ceviche, calamari and spicy fried potatoes. Everything was flavorful and beautifully presented. I left the restaurant feeling fat and happy. I don't know about you, but I'm generally my happiest after eating a delicious meal.<br />
<br />
Eric and I strolled hand in hand through our beautiful downtown area. The temperature had started dropping, yet I felt flushed with happiness. We stopped at a local coffee shop, where he ordered an iced latte while I chose a hibiscus iced tea. We sipped on our drinks while we walked, stopping to sit on a bench in front of one of our cities many beautiful fountains.<br />
<br />
"I had a good time tonight," I whispered, leaning in to his shoulder. Something about his natural scent combined with the cologne he wore practically had my head spinning. He draped a protective arm around me, pulling me closer. A gentle breeze had picked up, ruffling his hair. I smiled, feeling content and completely at ease for the first time all day as I studied his beautiful profile.<br />
<br />
We soon found ourselves back at Eric's apartment. The two of us cozied up on the couch with the tv playing in the background.<br />
<br />
"My roommate is out of town, ya know," Eric murmured against my ear. <br />
<br />
I giggled and snuggled up closer to him, running a hand up his thigh. He pulled me tighter, kissing my neck softly. A shiver ran up my spine and I closed my eyes, enjoying the sensation. Without warning, he pulled away. Eric sauntered to the kitchen, beckoning me to follow.<br />
<br />
I leaned back against the counter, wondering what he might have in store. With a dramatic flourish, he presented a gorgeous cheesecake covered in raspberries and raspberry drizzle. I giggled again, loving his over-the-top presentation.<br />
<br />
"I know you love cheesecake, so I whipped this up for you."<br />
<br />
I nearly melted at that. I love a man who can cook and I absolutely love cheesecake.<br />
<br />
I watched as Eric cut us each a hearty slice, my mouth watering in anticipation. I'd been so sure I was full from dinner, but this cheesecake looked way too delicious to resist. I can say without a doubt that this was the most flavorful, perfect cheesecake I've ever tasted. I have eaten plenty of cheesecake in my lifetime, but nothing could compare to this heavenly dessert.<br />
<br />
I praised Eric for his cheesecake prowess and planted a kiss on his lovely lips. We soon found ourselves mostly naked in his big, comfy bed. The sex was lazy, gentle and so comfortable. I felt like we'd really connected sexually on a whole new level.<br />
<br />
I nestled in to the crook of his arm afterwards, my head laying against his chest. The sound of his heartbeat was incredibly comforting. He had a hand gently cradling my belly, and the other tracing slow, lazy circles on my shoulder.<br />
<br />
"I've been thinking." he murmured softly, his lips pressed against the top of my head.<br />
<br />
"Hmm, what's that?" I asked, reaching up to trace my fingers along his jawline.<br />
<br />
"I've been thinking that I'm ready to make this official. If you're ready, of course..." his tone was soft and steady. The deep bass of his voice rumbled in my own chest.<br />
<br />
A huge smile spread across my face. I hadn't realized until this very moment how much I'd wanted to hear those words. I tilted my face towards him, looking into his eyes.<br />
<br />
"Eric, I'd love that."<br />
<br />
Without a word, he pulled me in for a kiss. It felt like a movie kiss, where time stops and sparks fly. I half expected to hear a cheesy love song start playing in the background. We broke the kiss and grinned at each other. Just then, I felt the baby kick. By the somewhat shocked expression on his face, I knew Eric had felt it, too.<br />
<br />
"I guess she approves!" I laughed, enjoying the look on his face. He stared wide-eyed at his palm, feeling the baby kick again. I loved the look of awe and wonder he had. I could safely say this moment in time was one of the happiest moments I've ever experienced.<br />
<br />
I placed my hand on top of his, relishing in the moment. I wanted to remember this moment forever.Meg.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03152141196083805604noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1514938627340723017.post-82627417608806501772014-04-09T23:08:00.004-05:002014-04-09T23:08:56.117-05:00Apology Not Accepted<b>**Bonus Post! See you all again on Friday!**</b><br />
<br />
My mouth immediately went dry and I debated not answering the door at all. I hate confrontation almost as much as I hate unexpected visitors. <br />
<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a>Manda stood there looking gorgeous and bitchy, as usual. She had a lot of nerve to show up on my doorstep after our past encounters. The first time I'd met her, she'd slapped me in my face. The next interaction with her had been that Facebook message implying she would be parenting my unborn daughter with Michael. And obviously, I'd seen her last night at Holly's party. Still, as I stood peering out the peephole at her, curiosity won out and I opened the door (not before pulling up Officer Reilly's number in my dialer, just in case).<br />
<br />
She smiled, looking nervous. This was not a look I'd seen her wear before. Generally, Manda looked cold, mean and self-assured. Granted, I'd barely met the girl and she was usually angry with me.<br />
<br />
She put her palms up in an "I-come-in-peace" gesture, looking very unsure of herself.<br />
<br />
"I'm sorry to show up like this," she began, tugging at a loose tendril of her long blonde hair. "I had no other way to contact you. You blocked me on Facebook and I don't have your number."<br />
<br />
I pursed my lips, sizing her up. I could think of no good reason for her to be at my front door. I could only assume Michael had sent her to avoid another TRO violation and risk an arrest. I shrugged one shoulder, feigning disinterest and annoyance.<br />
<br />
"Can I help you?" I asked coolly. My tone made it clear that I was not happy and didn't appreciate the intrusion.<br />
<br />
She sighed, her delicate shoulders heaving. Manda took a shaky breath before continuing.<br />
<br />
"I'm just...sorry. I really am. That message I sent you was really uncalled for. Michael never mentioned the restraining order, either. I had no idea you'd be there last night, but I'm not sure if he did. The cops showed up at his house this morning but he wasn't arrested. The whole thing really freaked me out. I realize now that I'm in over my head. Michael is a great guy, until he's not. My eyes are open now. He's toxic and falling apart. I can't help him and I don't want to. After my fiancé and I split up, I started hooking up with Michael. It was supposed to be casual, ya know? But he pulled me in, and then you came up pregnant, and then he lied to me and painted you as this horrible person. He told me that you're destructive to your body and the baby, that you get drunk and fuck around with strangers despite being pregnant. He told me you'd abuse the kid and we had to step in. I'm such an idiot, but I believed him. I know now that it was all a big fucking lie." Manda was rambling, looking tearful and afraid.<br />
<br />
I stood silently, processing everything she had to say. A small part of me understood where she was coming from. Michael was charming and genuine, caring and soft spoken. He was an easy man to trust and fall in love with. Hearing Manda repeat his lies turned my stomach. No wonder she's always such a bitch to me. I'd treat someone poorly, too, if I'd heard half the things that Michael had said.<br />
<br />
"You don't have to forgive me or believe me, but I had to tell you these things. I'll never bother you or contact you again. I'm done with Michael and his manipulative bullshit. You did the right thing, ya know. Leaving him and getting a restraining order. He's...unstable. His parents aren't even speaking to him anymore. I don't want to take up anymore of your time, I just had to get this out. I'm sorry."<br />
<br />
I still hadn't spoken a word in response to her revelations. I couldn't be certain she was being truthful, but her tone and body language seemed genuine. I struggled to find something to say.<br />
<br />
"I appreciate you coming here to apologize," I tried to sound diplomatic and unemotional, "but I do not want to see you again. I'm trying like hell to move on and get my life together. I'm so tired of all of this. Again, thanks for telling me these things, it will be of interest to my lawyer. But I do not want you to contact me in the future."<br />
<br />
Manda nodded in understanding. I felt bad for her, but couldn't shake the feeling that she's a wolf in sheep's clothing. What could she possibly expect to gain by coming to my home? As I locked the door behind her, I sighed. I opened my laptop and documented the date, time and content of our conversation. Thankfully, I'd be moving out of Kate's apartment within 3 days. Granted, it was still the same apartment complex, but it'd be a completely different building. I even sprang for a garage to park in so my car wouldn't always be visible to people like Michael and Manda. I had already informed the leasing office of my issues with Michael and the fact that I had a restraining order against him. They had promised that my address and personal information would never be revealed.<br />
<br />
I quickly finished documenting my encounter with Manda and saved the file. I could feel a tension headache forming and hoped Eric would arrive soon. He knew just how to massage my neck and shoulders to help me relax. With a smile on my face, I browsed Facebook. My phone buzzed, lighting up with a text from Eric, letting me know he had arrived.<br />
<br />
I grabbed my purse and headed to meet him. As I got in his car, I couldn't shake the feeling that we were being watched.Meg.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03152141196083805604noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1514938627340723017.post-87594790126527587442014-04-09T00:02:00.001-05:002014-04-09T00:02:21.573-05:00Destiny<br />
<i>**Hey, everyone. I just want to apologize for having the post up so late! I've been at work all day and didn't realize I had somehow scheduled both posts for this week to appear on Friday. I didn't realize my mistake until I got home and saw a few comments on my last post wondering where today's post is. Again, I'm sorry! I'll try to get a bonus post up by Sunday to make it up to you. Thanks for reading!**</i><br />
<br />
<br />
"What an idiot," Kate mumbled around a mouthful of grilled cheese. I'd given her the rundown on my encounter with Michael at Holly's house. She'd come home from work tired and starving, so I made her a grilled cheese while I talked.<br />
<br />
I'm not going to be pushed around or treated poorly and I had called Officer Reilly to report the violation as soon as I had arrived back at Kate's. Despite Rob offering to contact Rebecca on my behalf, this is my life and my responsibility. I had emailed her myself and included the names and phone numbers of other game night attendees should witnesses ever be required. I have desperately been hoping that as time went on, Michael would realize that he fucked up and he'd back down. His snarky comments and unwillingness to leave Holly's house as soon as he saw I was there shows that he apparently doesn't understand that here willbe consequences. Unfortunately for him, he's making things worse for himself and his chance at being in our child's life.<br />
<br />
Kate and I chitchatted while she finished eating and I cleaned the kitchen. I have devoted enough time already to thinking about Michael, worrying about Manda and talking about the both of them. Instead, she filled me in on the latest strip club drama. <br />
<br />
"Destiny is a hot mess, seriously." Kate was referring to a fellow dancer who I had briefly met. Destiny is basically every negative stripper stereotype people envision. She's kind of old for a dancer (35 maybe? Most of the other girls are younger than 26). She's past her prime due to living rough, yet she has no plans to retire from the biz. Her hair is bleached platinum with perpetual dark roots, she tans way too much and she has ridiculous fake boobs. Destiny has four kids with four different men and a nasty coke and alcohol problem. It's sad, really. She had been super sweet to me when I had met her, but it was obvious her life was a wreck.<br />
<br />
"What'd she do this time?" I inquired. The last time I'd heard a story about Destiny, she had punched a new girl in the face for "stealing" Destiny's regulars. After that fiasco, Destiny is on thin ice.<br />
<br />
"Well, she was giving a dance to some dude in the VIP room, right? And she was obviously wasted - no joke, her stage routine was basically her stumbling around and hanging on to the pole, swaying to the beat of her own drum. Well, this guy comes in quite a bit and always drops a lot of cash. She tries to do some move and pukes red wine all over the guy! The dude stormed out and swore he's never coming back."<br />
<br />
I grimaced. I couldn't image being either person in that scenario.<br />
<br />
"That is really gross. What did the manager do?"<br />
<br />
"He fired her on the spot. Told her to go clean up, called her a cab and had one of the bouncers walk her out. She may have cost us one of our best customers."<br />
<br />
I nodded, saying it made sense and I could agree with the decision.<br />
<br />
We talked a bit more, the conversation turning to her friend Jack. Kate has a huge thing for him (he's the one she locked herself in the bathroom crying about a few weeks back). Apparently, they had a drunken heart-to-heart last week where he admitted he's into her, too. They'll be going out on a not-quite-date this weekend. Kate looked so animated and happy gushing about Jack. She's known him since high school and I've known him for three years or so. I'm hoping Kate doesn't get her hopes up, though. She's never really had a boyfriend and I've never seen her look so happy talking about a guy.<br />
<br />
Eventually, I realized I was too tired to focus on our conversation. Kate and I said our good nights and she retired to her room while I made myself comfortable on the couch. Only three more days until I had the keys to my new apartment!<br />
<br />
Just as I was drifting off to sleep, my phone vibrated. Knowing how late it was and worrying something could be wrong, I grabbed it to check my texts. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">I had a text from Eric: "Hey, beautiful. Can't wait to see you tomorrow <3 span=""></3></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">With a smile on my face, I drifted off to sleep.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"></span><br />
<a name='more'></a><br /><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">-------</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">Oh, my god. I went with Kate to yoga this afternoon and it was...interesting. At the start of every class, the instructor (a super friendly, engaging woman) announces that modifications for the poses will be provided to anyone who needs it. We are encouraged to let her know if we are pregnant or have any health concerns. She'd worked with me on doing modified or different poses that are safe during pregnancy. She even offered me some information about a prenatal class which might be more my thing right now. About ten minutes in, a woman came in late. She looked to be even further along than me, maybe 7 months? I mentally high-fived her for being active during her pregnancy - I've known a lot of women who are happy to just sit on the couch and get fat, exclaiming that they're eating for two, and then they're surprised when they gain 60+ pounds and never really lose the weight. I digress. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">The class isn't very big and everyone is fairly quiet. I suddenly hear the lady snap at our instructor.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">"Are you teaching me these poses because you think I'm pregnant?"</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">The instructor widens her eyes, starts to nod.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">"Yeah, well I'm not. I'm just fucking fat. Maybe you shouldn't assume things!"</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">The room, which was almost silent to begin with, goes dead quiet. Everyone is looking embarrassed for both the not-pregnant woman and the instructor. Everyone always says you should never ask a woman when she's due or even hint at pregnancy unless you're damn well sure she's pregnant. Others go so far as to one that you should never assume a woman is pregnant unless you can see the baby crowning. Honestly, the woman's body looked very similar to mine. Her stomach is rounder and larger, and she's heavier overall, but I honestly would not bat a lash if she said she's due in 8 weeks.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">A gentle clearing of throats seems to resonate through the room as everyone awkwardly pretends they aren't eavesdropping.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">The woman breaks the silence, shouting that none of us have any right to judge or make assumptions about her. She starts laying in to the instructor, going on about what a horrible person she is and how dare she make her feel bad about how she looks. Honestly, it became very awkward and uncomfortable very quickly. Everyone in the room is shuffling about, making quick eye contact with each other as if to say, "Is this really happening?"</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">The instructor, looking properly shamed, stammers an apology. She tries explaining that she meant no offense, apologizing profusely. It was tough to watch. By the end of it, I had zero sympathy left for the not-pregnant lady. Her tirade and personal attacks were really uncalled for. I can absolutely understand why she felt hurt and upset, but she took it too far. Finally, thankfully, the lady stormed out. The instructor had tears in her eyes and looked absolutely mortified.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">After that scene, everything seemed to return to normal. Kate and I stopped for smoothies on the way home and uncomfortably rehashed what we'd seen. It was surreal, like something out of a movie.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">When I got home, I took a long, hot shower (my favorite!) where I shaved, exfoliated and deep conditioned my hair. Eric had hinted that he had something special prepared for tonight and I wanted to look my absolute best.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875);">I took my time getting ready, agonizing over what to wear. I found a really cute summery dress in my closet that still fit and made me look hot. Due to my raging hormones, I nearly cried when I realized it'd be too cold to wear without a jacket and I had nothing suitable to pair with</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"> it. Of course, Kate being her awesome self, found "just the thing" that I could borrow. It was a sleek dove-grey faux leather jacket that paired perfectly with the lilac dress I had my heart set on. The muted grey worked really well with the coloring and the cut was just right. I'm not sure I'll be able to utton it over my getting-huge belly, but I looked great and that was the important thing!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">I was applying the finishing touches to my makeup and had just spritzed myself with a light perfume when I heard a knock at the front door.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">I felt my heart skip a bit (total cliche, I know) when I peered through the peephole.</span>Meg.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03152141196083805604noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1514938627340723017.post-8118721464247947892014-04-03T04:26:00.000-05:002014-04-04T06:29:17.823-05:00Violation"You have <i>got</i> to be fucking kidding me..." I spoke so quietly that only Rob could hear me. Recognition flashed in his eyes followed by anger. I quickly reached out and grabbed his hand, squeezing firmly. He looked down at my hand on his, then up to meet my gaze. I simply shook my head once, indicating that no, it's not worth it.<br />
<br />
An uneasy silence had fallen on our previously boisterous group. Most of the people in attendance knew that Michael and I had gone through a somewhat messy breakup. A select few knew about the TRO. People looked from me to Michael and back again.<br />
<br />
Holly cleared her throat and stood suddenly.<br />
<br />
"Ah, hey, Michael. Can I have a word with you outside?" she gestured towards the front door.<br />
<br />
He looked smug, defiant. He shrugged one shoulder and scoffed.<br />
<br />
"What, is the bitch upset we're here? She can take this weeks boyfriend and leave if it bugs her so much," he sneered in my direction. Manda plastered on a venomous smile and laughed. How such a beautiful girl could have such an ugly personality boggled my mind. She fixed her icy blue eyes on me and smiled pointedly.<br />
<br />
"We were invited, ya know," Manda offered, pulling up the Facebook invite on her phone. Holly looked bewildered.<br />
<br />
Finally, I spoke up. It was unfair for Holly and all of our friends to be subjected to this situation.<br />
<br />
"Michael, you know you can't be here," I began, not wanting to cause a scene or air our dirty laundry in such a public way. Despite everything we've gone through since breaking up, Michael is still my daughter's father and I didn't want to humiliate him in front of everyone. However, I wasn't about to sit there and let him bully me or Holly.<br />
<br />
"Is that so? What are you gonna do about it, have your boyfriend beat me up? You gonna cry to the cops? You're such a bitch, Emma," he snarled. Twelve pairs of eyes were on us, then. It felt like the air had been sucked out of the room. Manda looked bored, Holly looked to be on the verge of tears, Rob looked furious. Everyone else had a mixed look of confusion and curiosity. Someone cleared their throat nervously. <br />
<br />
"I'm serious, you need to leave. We both know why you can't be here..." I trailed off, my voice soft and pleading.<br />
<br />
For a split second, I saw a glimpse of the old Michael. He looked hurt, rejected and so damn lost. Just as quickly, his face changed into a hardened mask of hatred. Neither of us ever wanted to reach this point. If someone had told me a year ago that I'd one day find myself pregnant with a restraining order against Michael, I would have laughed and blew them off. It seemed utterly preposterous. Yet, here we stood.<br />
<br />
"Michael, please just go," Holly's voice wavered.<br />
<br />
"Why should I have to leave? Huh? Is everyone here gonna side with her? What, I'm not part of the group anymore? This is bullshit!" he exploded, gesturing wildly.<br />
<br />
"Michael, I swear to God, if you do not leave right now, I will call the police. You'll be arrested for violating the restraining order. Do everyone in this room a favor and just leave!" I no longer cared about what people would think. I grew a backbone in that moment and I wasn't backing down. I was done protecting Michael's reputation amongst our friend group. I was ready for them to see the man he had become.<br />
<br />
"You know what, you can all go to hell. Fuck each and every one of you!" Michael stormed out, slamming the door behind him. Finally, Manda had the sense to look ashamed and quietly followed, shooting another hateful glance in my direction as she did so.<br />
<br />
Awkward silence filled the room. Ice clinked in glasses as people looked around the room<br />
<br />
Holly was the first to speak.<br />
<br />
"Emma, everyone, I'm so sorry and embarrassed. I had no idea he was coming. I specifically didn't invite him tonight but the Facebook event was public, he must've seen it." Holly's boyfriend, Peter, wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her in tight.<br />
<br />
"Ah, Holly, this was my fault," a voice quavered. All eyes turned toward Jessie, who was nervously fidgeting with the sleeves of her cardigan. She was a petite, mousy little thing. I'd seen her at past get-togethers but didn't know her personally.<br />
<br />
"I got your invite and shared it with a few people, Michael being one of them. I had no idea about..." she gestured towards me, pushing her black-rimmed glasses up and sniffling. I felt bad for her, really. How could she have known?<br />
<br />
"Jessie, it's okay. You didn't know," I offered, "I'm the one who should be apologizing to everyone. I think I'm going to head out."<br />
<br />
I stood, clutching my purse. Rob nodded at me before standing.<br />
<br />
I addressed Holly directly.<br />
<br />
"Holly, I'm truly sorry to cause a scene and ruin the night. If Michael comes back or says anything to you, please let me know. Everyone, again, I'm sorry you all had to witness that. Enjoy the rest of the night."<br />
<br />
Holly walked me to the door. Slowly, conversation had begun to return to the room. I hugged Holly tightly, reassuring her that I was fine and simply worn out. I waved goodbye to the group and made my way outside.<br />
<br />
I leaned into Rob as we stood outside my car.<br />
<br />
"Jesus, what a mess!" I moaned, rubbing my temples.<br />
<br />
"Even though he left somewhat willingly, you still need to report the violation. I can call Rebecca for you in the morning, if you'd like. As your lawyer, she should know, too. You still have that cop's card, right? You need to document everything," Rob spoke calmly, yet angrily. I knew he wasn't angry at me, rather the situation. I stretched up and hugged him, speaking into his shirt.<br />
<br />
"I'm glad you were here."<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Meg.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03152141196083805604noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1514938627340723017.post-86125445587166131552014-04-01T16:32:00.000-05:002014-04-01T16:32:26.618-05:00Playing GamesI slipped my key into the lock and attempted to push the door open. It wouldn't budge. My first panicked thought was that I'd somehow gone to the wrong apartment. I glanced around furtively, confirming that yes, this is Kate's apartment. My brow furrowed in confusion as I tried the door again. Ah. The deadbolt. Kate must have locked it before bed and she's still asleep. The deadbolt doesn't have an external lock that can be opened.<br />
<br />
I knocked on the door, lightly at first. Nothing. I knocked harder. Still nothing. Sighing, I pulled out my phone to call Kate. I could hear it ringing through the door and realized sadly that her phone was in the living room. I really, really had to pee and mentally begged Kate to wake up and open the door. I half stepped side to side, praying nobody was watching my "pee dance". If Kate didn't open the door within the next thirty seconds, I was definitely going to pee myself. This time I pounded on the door so hard it shook a little. I waited ten seconds, twenty, thirty. Not a sound from inside.<br />
<br />
I was furious, really. It's unbelievably rude to lock someone out. There was a reason we only used the deadbolt when both of us were home! Cursing under my breath, I stomped my way over to Rob's door. If he didn't answer, I'd probably cry. I knocked a little harder than I intended to, feeling sheepish when he answered the door with a bewildered look on his face.<br />
<br />
"I'm so sorry to pound on your door, but can I please use your bathroom? It's an emergency!" the words came out in a jumbled rush.<br />
<br />
Rob raised his eyebrows without a word, moving aside to let me in. I practically ran to his bathroom, slamming the door behind me and just barely got my leggings pulled down in time. Aaand the seat was up, resulting in a soaking wet bottom. I pulled myself up out of the water to relieve myself. It was pretty much the best pee of my life. I've heard guys talk about "pee shivers" before, and now I understood. I dried the toilet water off carefully, before thoroughly washing my hands and exiting the bathroom.<br />
<br />
Rob was lounging on his couch with an amused smirk on his face.<br />
<br />
"What's so funny?" I asked. "Seriously, it was an emergency. Kate left the deadbolt locked and wouldn't wake up to open the damn door!"<br />
<br />
"Oh, it's not that. I heard you cursing in there and remembered I left the seat up. I can only assume that's what the cursing was for," he laughed, "but then I thought maybe the sight of my face made you sick again! I have that effect on women sometimes."<br />
<br />
With that comment, I burst into laughter. I had been so embarrassed the previous night when I'd had to rush from the dinner table, yet here Rob was putting me at ease.<br />
<br />
"Yeah, I'm a mess sometimes. And we both know it wasn't your face, it was your blue cheese!" I'd basically pretended the event had never happened while Rob drove us back to our apartment complex. He'd avoided the topic as well, like a gentleman. I guess it was fair game to joke and laugh about now.<br />
<br />
"I can't help but notice," he smirked again, "but you're wearing the same clothes you wore to dinner. You have a good night?"<br />
<br />
My face flushed. I had absolutely not intended to spend the night with Eric and hadn't packed a change of clothes. Luckily, I kept a small makeup bag and travel toothbrush in the car so I could freshen up. And Rob was calling me out on it.<br />
<br />
"I'll take your red face as a yes!"<br />
<br />
I blushed harder, somehow, and attempted to shrug non-chalantly.<br />
<br />
"Yeah, I had fun. No big deal. Thanks, by the way, for letting me in to use your bathroom. I'm sure you're getting sick of me barging in on you all the time for one reason or another." I attempted to change the subject.<br />
<br />
Rob draped an arm around my shoulder and ruffled my hair, much like he'd done to his sister the night before.<br />
<br />
"It's no problem, kid. I kinda like having you around. You can hang out here for a bit until Kate answers her phone to let you in. Want a snack or a drink or anything?"<br />
<br />
"I am hungry," I admitted. "Have you eaten? Can I make you breakfast? I still have two and a half hours before work, I'm sure Kate will be up by then so I can shower and change."<br />
<br />
"Hey, I'll never turn down breakfast!"<br />
<br />
With that, I made my way to Rob's kitchen to get started.<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<br />
-------<br />
Kate had finally woken up to let me in, leaving me just enough time for a quick shower before work. I had made no attempt to hide my irritation and she seemed contrite. Unsurprisingly, she'd been sleeping off a heavy night of drinking. I could tell by the smeared mascara, puffy eyes and stale scent of booze radiating from her. I'd given her the cold shoulder and went about my day.<br />
<br />
Work was fine, nothing interesting had gone on. I'm becoming friendly with Kaylie, the other girl who is part of the workforce management team. Our shift only overlaps by two hours, but we've now exchanged numbers and made plans to hang out outside of work in the near future. She's really been great at teaching me the ropes of my position at work and she's fun to talk to. I'm looking forward to getting to know her better.<br />
<br />
I was headed to Holly's house for a last minute game night. She sent out an invite on Facebook and i was surprised how many people had accepted. Obviously, they wouldn't all show up but i was excited. She hasn't done one in awhile, mostly due to working two jobs and having a boyfriend she spends all her free time with. I'd barely met him but he seemed nice. I stopped to pick up some snacks for the group and an iced tea for myself.<br />
<br />
Holly answered the door, looking radiant as usual. She pulled me in for a hug, kissing my cheek.<br />
<br />
"I'm so glad you could come! Is Kate coming? I haven't seen her in ages!"<br />
<br />
I shook my head, "Nah, she's not coming. She's working tonight."<br />
<br />
Holly nodded before asking, "What about Eric, can he make it? I wanna meet him!"<br />
<br />
"He is working late tonight, too. You know the restaurant business. Is it cool if my friend Rob comes by? I didn't want to invite him without clearing it with you first."<br />
<br />
"Absolutely, the more, the merrier!"<br />
<br />
I texted Rob, asking if he'd be down. He replied immediately, so I sent him the address. I made my way to the kitchen and set out the snacks I'd brought. Holly had already set out a huge punch bowl of sangria, various dried fruit chips, tortilla chips, guacamole and a cheese platter.<br />
<br />
People began filing in. I knew most of them, it was great seeing friends I hadn't caught up with I. Awhile. Small groups broke off, milling about, snacking, drinking and chatting. Rob soon showed up and I introduced him to Holly and a few others.<br />
<br />
Holl nudged me, whispering, "He's hot!" I laughed and playfully pushed her away.<br />
<br />
Finally,we had a decent sized group together, ready to play. Catchphrase was always a crowd favorite to get the games started. Teams were broken off and rules were explained to newcomers. A rowdy first round had just concluded when the front door opened.<br />
<br />
In walked Michael, with Manda in tow.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Meg.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03152141196083805604noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1514938627340723017.post-80845662449593483672014-03-28T07:00:00.000-05:002014-03-28T07:00:01.345-05:00Communication"You okay, Emma? You look a little pale." Dale eyed me as I entered Kate's apartment. The two of them were drinking boxed wine and watching YouTube videos. <br />
<br />
I shrugged, embarrassed by what had happened.<br />
<br />
"I'm fine, really. I got sick during dinner, not at the table or anything. But Rob's blue cheese was too much for me, I guess!"<br />
<br />
"Rob, that's your neighbor, right?" Dale asked.<br />
<br />
"Yeah, our super cute neighbor who Emma hangs out with like, every day!" Kate chirped, toasting me with her coffee mug full of wine and waggling her eyebrows.<br />
<br />
"Ooh, but what about waiter-guy, I thought you were a thing?" Dale perked up at Kate's insinuations. Dale still insisted upon calling Eric 'waiter-guy' for some reason, despite knowing his name and having met him previously. <br />
<br />
"Oh, no, it's not like that," I waved him off, "Rob is just a friend. And I haven't even seen Eric in a week, so I wouldn't really say we're a thing. Even if we were, though, Rob is still just a friend."<br />
<br />
"Uh-huh, a cute friend of the opposite sex that you see more often than the guy you're dating. Just friends, suuure!" Dale laughed, rolling his eyes at me. These two were on a roll tonight.<br />
<br />
"Yeah, well you two see each other and hang out all the time despite being the opposite sex, so your point is moot!" I laughed them off and put my food in the fridge. Dale raised his eyebrows at Kate and shrugged, as if to say 'point taken'.<br />
<br />
I could see where Dale and Kate were coming from, though. It was a little weird that I hung out with Rob practically daily, yet Eric hadn't tried to see me in a week. I thought on it for a bit, but Rob had never expressed any sort of attraction towards me. We just got along really well and he cared about my well-being. The more I thought about it, the more it bugged me that Eric has been so aloof. Checking the time on my phone, I decided to call him and ask to see him that night. I'd made up my mind that tonight I wanted to see where we stand. I'm not looking for a label on our relationship, but honestly, we've been seeing each other for a few weeks now. It's time to have a talk. The fact that he sounded excited to see me just confused me even more after his distance this past week.<br />
<br />
I brushed my teeth and freshened up before heading out, kissing Kate and Dale on their foreheads and telling them to behave on my way out the door.<br />
<br />
<br />
<a name='more'></a><br /><br />
----------<br />
<br />
"Mmm, I missed you," Eric murmured into my hair, pulling me into a tight hug. I breathed in the scent of him and felt my head spin. Okay, so he definitely still had an effect on me. He certainly seemed happy to see me, so why hadn't he called? Ugh. I pushed the thought from my mind and lost myself in his arms. <br />
<br />
"I missed you, too. You must've been busy this week?" I tried to sound curious, not accusatory. He didn't owe me an explanation, but I hoped he would offer one.<br />
<br />
"I've worked three doubles out of my last four shifts. Two people quit this week, leaving us kinda short staffed. The money is good, but it's been exhausting," he lamented. "And I've missed seeing you. The timing sucks, I know you've had a rough week and I'm sorry I wasn't really available to you. I wanna make it up to you this weekend!"<br />
<br />
My heart melted. He looked so sincere, I knew he was being truthful. I still felt hurt and neglected, though now I felt more like a jerk than anything. Communication goes both ways and I'd been so wrapped up in my own little world that I'd never even bothered to ask Eric how he's been and what he's been up to. I felt guilty for mentally accusing him of being wishy-washy and playing games. It seemed obvious now that he wasn't being distant for a nefarious reason, he'd just been busy.<br />
<br />
I stretched on my tip toes to kiss him. He tasted like cherry Chapstick and I smiled against his lips. He'd been wearing it the first time we had ever kissed and I knew I'd forever associate the taste with him. Eric ran his hands through my hair, kissing me more firmly. I knew where this was leading and reluctantly broke away.<br />
<br />
"You okay, babe?" he asked, holding me at arms length.<br />
<br />
"Actually, I wanted to talk to you. That's why I asked to come over. Can we sit?" I gestured toward the couch.<br />
<br />
He nodded.<br />
<br />
"Of course we can talk. Adam will be home, soon, though, so let's talk in my room."<br />
<br />
I followed him down the short hallway to his bedroom. His bed was neatly made, the room was clean and lacked clutter. I admired how tidy he kept his things. I sat on the edge of the bed, playing nervously with the comforter beneath my hands. Why is talking to someone so hard, sometimes?<br />
<br />
Eric kneeled on the floor between my legs, facing me. He was so tall that he was nearly eye level with me. I held eye contact and instantly felt guilty for how concerned he looked. I placed my hands on each of his shoulders and took a deep breath.<br />
<br />
"I'm not really sure how to phrase this," I faltered, struggling to find the right words. "It's just, I've been so stressed this week and I felt like you were avoiding me after we had sex. I know it wasn't the first time we've slept together, but it was the first time since we started seeing each other again. It brought back how I felt in the beginning, when you would practically push me out the door after we had sex - I know now that's because Ruby still lived here, but it still kinda hurt..." I trailed off.<br />
<br />
"Go ahead, I wanna hear what you're thinking," he encouraged.<br />
<br />
"Well, I felt like maybe you're not that into me. Like, sex was what you wanted and you got it. Does that make sense? And now I feel like a bitch for thinking that, because it turns out you've just been busy, not avoiding me. I mean, we've never set terms for our relationship, so I just worked myself up all week over thinking things. And I'm sorry." I was rambling now, feeling sillier with every word that left my mouth.<br />
<br />
I was surprised to see a smile creeping across Eric's handsome face. I was even more surprised when he started to laugh. Here I was, laying my emotions out and he was laughing? I withdrew my hands from his shoulders and clasped them together in my lap.<br />
<br />
"That's what all this is about? Babe, I'm crazy about you, don't you know that? I never want you to feel like I'm avoiding you or don't have time for you. I really care about you and love spending time with you, I wish you'd told me how you've been feeling. I'm sorry for laughing, I'm just relieved. I honestly thought you wanted to tell me you don't want to see me anymore!"<br />
<br />
"I guess we should work on our communication skills, huh?" I smiled. Now that wasn't so bad, was it? I mentally smacked myself for how I've been acting and feeling all week. I brought some of it on myself. If I'd just taken the time to communicate my thoughts, I could've avoided a whole week of over analyzing and working myself up. Eric hadn't even realized I thought something was wrong between us.<br />
<br />
He leaned in, then, closing the gap between us and kissing me fiercely. I responded, pulling him closer and wrapping myself around him as he still kneeled in front of me. I felt his arms circle around me, supporting my back. He nipped gently at my lip, causing me to gasp in surprise. It didn't hurt, but it surprised me. I nipped back, a little less gently. A shiver rolled through me as I heard his sharp intake of breath. <br />
<br />
"Now you've done it," he growled playfully, pushing me onto my back and climbing onto The bed beside me. His hands were roaming down my body, teasing my nipples through my shirt, gripping my thighs, stroking my collar bones. I whimpered, wanting more. I grabbed for his shirt, pulling it off him and exposing his toned body. I trailed my fingers down the sexy v-indent of his hips, pulling at his belt. Within seconds, he was fully naked next to me while I remained fully clothed.<br />
<br />
His body was my version of perfect. Toned, lean with a smattering of dark hair across his chest, more hair trailing down from his belly button in a straight line south. I ran my fingers across his lower stomach, grasping his hips and circling my thumbs along the v-indents there. I teased him, bringing my hands close to his now prominent erection, but never touching it. Instead, I massaged and kissed his thighs, gently stroking the base of his groin but never making full contact where I knew he wanted me to touch him. He grabbed my wrists, then, pulling me up to kiss his mouth.<br />
<br />
Wordlessly, he pulled my shirt and leggings off, leaving me in only my underwear and bra. His gently bit and kissed his way from my neck down to my stomach, over to my thighs and the band of the thong I was wearing. I breathed heavily, knowing he was teasing me just the way I had teased him.<br />
<br />
In one smooth motion, he pushed my panties to the side and entered me. His movements were slow, gentle and oh-so-satisfying. Normally, our sex was frenzied, fast paced. This felt different, somehow. His lips never left mine as he rocked his hips, thrusting inside me. I could feel my muscles tensing, anticipating sweet release.<br />
<br />
"Emma," he whispered, his mouth against my ear.<br />
<br />
"Mmhmm?" I murmured, barely able to form coherent thoughts, let alone words.<br />
<br />
"I love this..."<br />
<br />
"Mmhmm, I love it, too," I gasped, relishing in the feel of having him inside me. I was close, now, and I know he could tell. His thrusts became deeper, somehow, and he grinded up against me. I came within seconds and he soon followed.<br />
<br />
As we lay there sweating and pressed up against each other, he grinned.<br />
<br />
"We should have talks like this more often."<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Meg.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03152141196083805604noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1514938627340723017.post-91524723044828790722014-03-25T07:00:00.000-05:002014-03-25T07:00:11.923-05:00Inner Peace<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">Man, nothing in life feels better than a long, hot shower after a full night of sleep. The caress of the hot water, the swirling steam, the peaceful sound of water beating against the tile. I could stay in there all day! I stood there, conditioner soaking into my hair, basking in the water's warmth and clearing my mind.</span><br />
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">No thoughts of Eric. No thoughts of Michael or Manda. No worrying about Kate and her destructive habits. Just me, right here, enjoying a steaming shower. Of course, all good things come to an end, and I shivered as I dried off, wrapping my hair in a towel.</span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">It had been a week, now, since I'd last seen Eric. We'd briefly chatted through text, nothing of substance and no plans to be made. I realized I wasn't too sad, really. I like Eric, truly, but when we are apart, I feel so disconnected now. When we first met and started texting, it was flirty, provocative banter and chit-chat. It was nearly constant contact. I'd still like to see him, obviously, but he hasn't made an effort. If he doesn't ask to make plans within two days, I'll do the asking and we will see how it goes. I found myself daydreaming about our last encounter and wondering just what happened between a deep kiss goodbye at the door and now. Who knows, maybe he's been courting another woman? We aren't exclusive and he's a very sexy guy with a lot to offer.</span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">I pushed those thoughts from my mind and poured a glass of orange juice. The best part of having a roommate who loves vodka is the variety of juices the fridge always held. I had the day off and planned on trying out yoga with Kate later in the afternoon. She's always been fit, even moreso after she became a stripper, and she swears by yoga. She assured me that pregnant women attend all the time and the instructor is more than willing to accommodate and assist anyone who needs modified poses. I smiled at the thought. It's funny how Kate and I are really bonding and spending time together now, just days before my move-out date. Despite all my bitching and irritation with her sometimes, Kate is a truly awesome friend. She's been letting me live on her couch for months for cheap which is something she really didn't have to do.</span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">I dug through my purse for my phone, stopping to pet Whiskers who was perched on the back of the couch. It's weird, at first I was so aware of Kate's cats when I moved in. Whiskers and Roofus would wake me up constantly, climbing on my head and belly or knocking things over, meowing loudly during the night. I don't know if they calmed down, I got used to them or a combination of both. Now they just blend in with the furniture. Michael was very anti-cat when we were together, despite my desire for one. I liked having them around. When Kate worked late nights at the club, I at least had the kitties for company. I gave Whiskers another scratch behind the ears and sank into the couch, unlocking my phone.</span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">I had a text from Kate, confirming our yoga date. She'd be finishing her shift at the library around 3 and we'd be meeting at 3:30 at the gym. I texted back that I'd see her there. I had another text from Rob, asking if I'd be free around 7. He's having dinner with his lawyer sister Rebecca, who had offered to help me out with my Michael/Manda issue. Knowing now that he worked from home a few days a week, I decided to just head over to his apartment. I threw my hair into a low ponytail and pulled on my trusty yoga pants and a loose, comfy shirt.</span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">The cold weather had broken for now and I was thankful for the warm sun on my face. Sunshine makes me so happy! Knowing the Midwest, it would feel like winter again within a few days. </span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">I knocked on Rob's door, hoping he wasn't too busy. He pulled the door open, smiling when he saw me. His dark hair was tousled and he hadn't shaved in a few days. The scruffy look suited him well.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">"Hey, Emma, come on in!" his green eyes sparkled brightly in the sun. I hadn't noticed what pretty eyes he had until now. He had thick, dark lashes that I envied. Why was it that men always seemed to have the gorgeous, natural lashes that looked like a mascara ad?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">"Actually, I was hoping we could sit on your deck. The weather is beautiful and I won't be staying long."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">He nodded, leading me inside then back out to his balcony. We each settled in to a chair on his balcony. I stretched out, tilting my face towards the sun.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">"You look happy today! Anything I should know about?" Rob teased.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">I made a face at him and laughed.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">"Nah, I just love the weather. Today feels like it will be a good day. I have a yoga date with Kate later. Plus, I saw your text and wanted to let you know I'm free."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">"That's great! My sister wants to meet up at that new burgers and beer place, Brew Kitchen. I figured if you could make it, we could just ride together. Unless you have plans after?"</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">"Nope, no plans after. I've heard of that place, actually. My friend Holly went there and she loved it, I've been wanting to try it. So that's perfect!"</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">We sat in the sun, chit-chatting for a bit and confirming that we would leave his place at 6:30. That gave me plenty of time after yoga to hang out with Kate and get ready to go. Rob spoke very highly of his sister and I was excited to meet her. I told Rob I would let him get back to work and walked back to Kate's. I ate a light lunch and cleaned up a bit around the apartment before it was time to head to the gym.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"></span><br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">-----</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">The restaurant was smaller than I expected. Old beer taps hung from the ceiling. An entire wall was painted with chalkboard paint and an expansive beer list stretched from floor to ceiling. I have never been a beer drinker, yet even I was impressed by the selection. After yoga (which was actually really fun, Kate was right about how great the instructor was!), I had headed home and changed. I wasn't sure what type of atmosphere the restaurant had, so I kept it simple. I wore black leggings and an emerald green tunic-style top, plus my favorite black flats. I had cracked up laughing when Rob opened his door wearing a button-down shirt that was nearly identical in color to my own.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">We slid in to a booth, perusing the menu while waiting for Rebecca to arrive. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">"Oh, she's here!" Rob said, waving his hand to get her attention. Simply put, Rebecca was stunning. She had the same green eyes and black lashes as Rob, a beautiful Roman nose and full lips. She looked like a model, not a lawyer.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">Her smile was warm as she greeted Rob. He stood to kiss her cheek and ruffle her immaculate hair. I stood to shake her hand and introduce myself. Rob slid back in to the booth, beside me this time and gave my knee a gentle squeeze under the table. He could tell I was a little nervous.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">The siblings chatted animatedly while we waited to order. Just looking at the menu had my mouth watering! I settled on a burger topped with smoked burnt ends, Gouda, crispy onion strings and whiskey BBQ glaze with Parmesan dusted truffle fries on the side. Rob ordered something which ccontained blue cheese, which I could smell clearly over my own meal. I made it halfway through my burger and fries before the blue cheese smell overwhelmed me. I delicately nudged Rob, whispering my apologies and begging him to vacate the booth. By the time I made it back, all of our meals had been boxed up. Rebecca and I had barely chatted, but she had stated she had enough information to take me on as a client.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">I stepped out and left that booth as a lady on a mission.</span></div>
Meg.http://www.blogger.com/profile/03152141196083805604noreply@blogger.com3