Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Author's Note:  Hi ladies!  Sorry for yet again going MIA without a word, I've been unexpectedly busy.  My grandma went in for a PET scan recently to determine if her cancer had returned. The scan confirmed that the cancer in her throat and trachea returned but also confirmed it has now spread to her liver, pancreas, bones and brain.  She has been hospitalized twice in the past 3 weeks and hospice finally came in last Wednesday.  I am living with her for now to help her through the last days/weeks of her life.  Writing is my escape so I have been very eager to write a few new posts and fall into Emma's world for awhile.  Enjoy! :)

I took a small sip of coffee and toyed with my spoon.  Michael and I were sitting across from each other in an IHOP booth, neither of us really talking or making eye contact.  There was an unfamiliar tension in the air and I could tell he wanted to say something.

"So.  I wanna know what you're thinking about.  I can tell you have something you want to talk about, so feel free," I broke the silence and smiled at him reassuringly.  Michael was watching me carefully, no doubt mentally preparing what he was going to say and how he was going to say it.

"Well, Emma, I wanna know who that guy was yesterday.  I know, I know, we're not together anymore and it's none of my business, but I hardly slept last night.  All I could think about was how your face lit up when that guy got out of his car.  You used to look at me that way, like I was the only other person in the world.  And it killed me to see you looking at him like that..." Michael trailed off, averting his eyes and looking down at his hands.

Guilt and shame consumed me.  I had never meant to hurt Michael, hell, I hadn't expected him to be at my apartment when Eric showed up.  I hadn't planned for him to know I was interested in someone new until I, myself, knew where things were headed.  I reached across the table and grabbed Michael's hand.

"He's just a guy I'm talking to, nothing serious, and I don't know if it's even headed anywhere," I chose my words carefully, not wanting to hurt Michael anymore than I had already, and truly not knowing if anything else would happen with Eric.

Michael pulled his hand away and sat there in silence, seeming to search my face for an indication of whether I was being honest or not.  Finally, he spoke.

"This was a mistake, wanting to see you.  I'm not ready for this. I better take you home now."

"No, Michael, that's okay, I'll just walk.  I could use the fresh air."

I tossed money on the table to pay for my coffee and a tip and headed for the door.  I half expected Michael to follow me and try to stop me, but thankfully, he didn't.  It wasn't my intention to have him chase me down and cause a scene.  I really did want the fresh air and I needed more time to think and digest the emotional events of the day.  Despite the late hour, I wasn't afraid to be walking alone.  It was a busy, well-lit road in a very low crime area and I knew it wouldn't even take 30 minutes to walk home. 

Quickly, I made my way home, letting my mind wander and absorbing the fresh night air.  Quietly, I crept into the dark apartment and laid down on the couch, emotionally exhausted and wanting nothing more than to go to sleep and hope for a better tomorrow. 


  1. how do can I be invited to read the "It could Have Happened"? I saw the link on the right had side and though I would check it out but it says I have to be invited. Do you know anyway to contact the blogger? What is the blog about?

  2. So sorry about your grandma! Make the best of your remaining time together - your grandma is lucky to have you.
    I love your blog, the story is really interesting. Can't wait to read more...

  3. Hi there Anon,
    Unfortunately, I've had that blog on my sidebar for awhile and never realized the author changed it to invitation only. I'm no longer able to view the blog and have no idea how to contact the author, I apologize!

    And JustLilMe, thank you, I appreciate the kind words. It's tough watching her decline and suffer more each day, but we're doing our best to remain positive and happy until the end. And thanks! I will be updating the blog later on today with a new post!

  4. I just found your blog, you are such a good writer. I'm sorry to hear about yor grandmother. I was in that same poisition around 2 years and it was very hard.