Friday, February 11, 2011

Wandering Thoughts, Wandering Eyes

I arched my back and stretched, thankful that I would be leaving work in an hour.  The work day had been really slow and I was looking forward to a hot bath when I got home.  In addition to being unbelievably tired all the time and throwing up everything I ate, I was experiencing muscle aches and cramps sporadically. 

I twirled the cord to my headset and let my mind wander as I doodled on a piece of scrap paper.  My phone vibrated in my purse, making me jump slightly. 

Must be Michael checking up on me, I thought to myself as I fished around my purse for it.  I was surprised to see the message wasn't from Michael, but from a friend of mine named Holly.  I hadn't seen much of Holly in awhile; she had a new boyfriend who occupied a lot of her free time and worked two jobs.  I missed hearing from her, and smiled as I opened the message.

"Hey sooo, I know you and M worked things out and I'm not trying to butt in here, but I'm pretty sure I just saw him or someone who looks exactly like him leaving Austin's with some random blond girl. Thought you should know. xox"

I felt myself frowning.  Sure, I knew Michael was going out with friends tonight, but he hadn't mentioned a female friend, which was unusual for him.  Holly worked at Austin's, which was a local bar and grille, but I didn't know if that was where Michael had been headed.  Michael had plenty of female friends, as I had plenty of male friends.  I trusted him fully and chalked it up to a misreading of the situation or mistaken identity. 

"Hey girl! Thanks for the heads up, Michael's out with friends so I doubt it was him, but when I get home I'll ask what he was up to.  We should hang out soon!"

The next hour at work went by at a snail's pace.  I didn't think much of Holly's message until I walked in the door to my home that night.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Author's Note

I feel like I make more Author's Notes than I do blog posts, and for that, I apologize.  I just wanted to share some very happy news with all of my followers!  If you have been reading for awhile, or even went back to the beginning and read through everything, you'll remember a post I made after my heart was absolutely shattered.  Quick recap: my boyfriend of 2 and a half years ended our relationship by phone while I was on vacation visiting my family.  I was devastated, overwhelmed, had to be hospitalized, etc etc.  I moved on, met someone new and dated him for awhile - but it just didn't work out.  I ended that relationship and ended up confiding in my ex, since he had remained a very close friend to me this past year.  We both realized that we've grown a lot in the 10 months we've been apart, but never grew apart.  On February 22nd, I will be returning to the home I shared with the man who I've always known to be the love of my life.  As of March 1st, we will be relocating together to our hometown of Kansas City (which is where we met). I think the story of our love is actually kind of interesting and might be fun to read.  Would anyone be interested in reading about it, if I created a secondary blog with true posts about that relationship?  Obviously I don't remember things perfectly and conversations aren't remembered word-for-word, so it would be more like a semi-fictional retelling of true events, "based on a true story" kinda thing.  Let me know!  Of course, I will be continuing with Emma's blog and have some new-found inspiration that will lead to multiple posts in the near future.

I hope all of you have been well and enjoying 2011 so far!

Keeping It Down

I leaned back against the wall, taking deep, relaxing breaths and silently begging the world to have mercy on me.  I flushed the toilet, shut the lid and rested my forehead on the cool surface.  It had been a little over a month since I had moved back in with Michael and cut all ties with Eric.  I had entered my second trimester, and this was when morning sickness really kicked in.  I had been blessed with a very "symptom free" pregnancy for the first few months, but my body was making up for lost time now.  Now, I was spending what felt like more time each day kneeling next to a toilet and wanting to cry.

Michael was as supportive as he could be and doted on me constantly.  All of our friends now knew about the pregnancy and most were excited, with the exception of Rachelle.  She was one of those kind of people who craved positive attention and had recently gotten engaged.  I could tell that she resented my pregnancy because it stole some of her spotlight - and I could already tell she was going to be one major Bridezilla.  Personally, I didn't want a spotlight on me at all.  I am a very private person most of the time and all of the attention I'd been getting at work, at home and through friends was becoming overwhelming.

"Emma?" I heard a knock on the bathroom door.

"I'm fine, Michael.  I'll be out in a minute," I called, not wanting him to come sit with me on the bathroom floor.

"You sure you don't want me to come in and sit with you?  I'll bring you a cup of tea or some juice if you want," Michael was so predictable and I couldn't help but smile to myself.

"Really, I'm okay.  It's your day off, go enjoy yourself.  I'm just gonna hang around the house and watch Netflix or something.  I don't really have any energy today," I cracked open the bathroom door and let him plant a kiss on my forehead before shooing him away.

I heard the front door close, and watched from the window as he pulled out of the driveway.  I knew he had plans with some guy friends, but didn't really know what they were up to, only that he'd "be back later".  I didn't mind, I enjoyed time to myself and needed the rest.  My body seemed to be rebelling against me at every possible turn and I still had a few hours before I needed to go to work.

I crawled back into bed, savoring the way the blankets and pillows felt.  My eyes closed and I was just drifting off to sleep when another strong wave of nausea hit me and sent me reaching for the bowl I kept near the bed for these "emergency" situations.

I tried my hardest to keep down any food or liquid left in my system, and failed.  I let a few tears slip, washed out the bowl, brushed my teeth again and curled up on the couch.

Only a few more months of this....