Thursday, February 10, 2011

Keeping It Down

I leaned back against the wall, taking deep, relaxing breaths and silently begging the world to have mercy on me.  I flushed the toilet, shut the lid and rested my forehead on the cool surface.  It had been a little over a month since I had moved back in with Michael and cut all ties with Eric.  I had entered my second trimester, and this was when morning sickness really kicked in.  I had been blessed with a very "symptom free" pregnancy for the first few months, but my body was making up for lost time now.  Now, I was spending what felt like more time each day kneeling next to a toilet and wanting to cry.

Michael was as supportive as he could be and doted on me constantly.  All of our friends now knew about the pregnancy and most were excited, with the exception of Rachelle.  She was one of those kind of people who craved positive attention and had recently gotten engaged.  I could tell that she resented my pregnancy because it stole some of her spotlight - and I could already tell she was going to be one major Bridezilla.  Personally, I didn't want a spotlight on me at all.  I am a very private person most of the time and all of the attention I'd been getting at work, at home and through friends was becoming overwhelming.

"Emma?" I heard a knock on the bathroom door.

"I'm fine, Michael.  I'll be out in a minute," I called, not wanting him to come sit with me on the bathroom floor.

"You sure you don't want me to come in and sit with you?  I'll bring you a cup of tea or some juice if you want," Michael was so predictable and I couldn't help but smile to myself.

"Really, I'm okay.  It's your day off, go enjoy yourself.  I'm just gonna hang around the house and watch Netflix or something.  I don't really have any energy today," I cracked open the bathroom door and let him plant a kiss on my forehead before shooing him away.

I heard the front door close, and watched from the window as he pulled out of the driveway.  I knew he had plans with some guy friends, but didn't really know what they were up to, only that he'd "be back later".  I didn't mind, I enjoyed time to myself and needed the rest.  My body seemed to be rebelling against me at every possible turn and I still had a few hours before I needed to go to work.

I crawled back into bed, savoring the way the blankets and pillows felt.  My eyes closed and I was just drifting off to sleep when another strong wave of nausea hit me and sent me reaching for the bowl I kept near the bed for these "emergency" situations.

I tried my hardest to keep down any food or liquid left in my system, and failed.  I let a few tears slip, washed out the bowl, brushed my teeth again and curled up on the couch.

Only a few more months of this....

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