Thursday, January 13, 2011

I Guess That's Why The Call It The Blues

"Hey, beautiful," Eric's face lit up as I approached him.  I couldn't help but smile as he opened his arms for a hug.  The hug lasted a bit longer than necessary, but I savored the moment and inhaled his scent. 

He held me at arm's length, looking me up and down. 

"You look amazing.  Must be that famous pregnancy glow, huh?" he joked and I playfully hit him in the arm.

"Yeah, must be," I replied, knowing full well that any "glow" I had about me stemmed directly from being in his presence.  God, he was beautiful.  My heart clenched a little as I stared at him.  I had a good man at home who was willing to step up and be a father and who wanted nothing more than to make me happy.  So what was I doing here, having breakfast with someone else, someone who I couldn't take my eyes off of?

We chatted idly as we waited for our food to arrive.  He had ordered a Western omelet with home fries and coffee, while I had opted for eggs over medium with toast, hashbrowns and apple juice.  Being pregnant, I was trying to avoid caffeine.  I eyed his coffee in envy, wishing I had ordered a decaf instead of juice.  Decaf just didn't taste the same, though, and I knew I would have still been envious of his coffee had I ordered decaf for myself.

We ate our breakfast cheerfully, with no awkward silences but plenty of sparks still between us.  We talked about everything, from comments on the weather to more serious topics like my pregnancy and his living with Ruby.  Any tension that may have existed between us before now was fully dissolved, and I felt like we were finally both being completely open with each other.  As I scooped up a final forkful of hashbrowns, I caught myself wishing my life could be simpler, wishing I could pursue a different path instead of feeling somewhat forced into my life's current route.

Eric walked me to my car, a friendly arm draped around my shoulders.  He hugged me again, and I didn't want to let go.  My heart felt pulled in two directions, but I knew that I could no longer be selfish.  Even if I wanted to pursue something with Eric, I couldn't anymore.  I had made a choice to be with Michael and I had another person to think of in the grand scheme of things: my unborn child.  My eyes filled with tears as I realized that I could not see Eric anymore.  It was unfair to him and Michael both, and it only made it harder to say goodbye to him.

Eric stared directly into my eyes, and the sadness I felt was reflected in his expression.

"Emma, you know it doesn't have to be like this.  You don't have to stay with him just because you're having his baby.  You have other options..." he trailed off.

Was Eric right?  Did I have another choice?  I sniffled, and shrugged.  I wasn't sure what to say, and finally just spoke to break the silence.

"I know.  But I want to have this baby and I want to do whats best for it, despite what I want for myself.  I don't think we can see each other, even as friends, at least not for awhile.  There are too many feelings between us and I'm in a really awkward place right now."

He cradled my face in his hand, and I knew I would soon be powerless to stop the tears from falling.  He ran his thumb over my quivering lips and kissed my forehead gently.  Eric nodded in understanding and hugged me again before walking off, leaving me standing alone next to my car with big, fat tears rolling down my cheeks.


  1. Your back! I missed seeing you around, hope all is well, i have a blog now too, it's in my profile. Check it out, let me know how your doin girly!

  2. Hey lady! I've been busy lately, what with the holidays and then better news, I found a job! Woohoo! So I've been working as much as they'll let me :) Finally had a free moment to use my creativity to write a new post! I hope you've been well :D

  3. OMG that is so awesome :) i know i don't know ya irl but your plifht touched me, so happy to hear all is getting better.

    I am good, got engaged before christmas so head is in planning mode lol.