Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Spending The Night

I sat up and stretched.  Sleeping on a couch for all these weeks was really starting to take a toll on me physically.  I never felt sufficiently rested and my back always ached.  I wondered if being pregnant had anything to do with that, and decided it's likely a combination of both.

Michael had already made it clear that he expected me to move back in with him in the near future, and Kate had made it equally clear that she wanted me out before I gave birth, preferably long before.  Personally, I was torn.  Of course I wanted my child to be born into a home with two loving parents, but at the same time I wasn't sure if I was ready to move back in with Michael.  I mulled it over and decided the best option would be spending a few days at Michael's to see how it turned out.

I reached over and grabbed my phone to check the time.  11:56.  I couldn't believe I had slept in so late.  Even with my schedule keeping me at work past 11 PM, I rarely slept past 9:30 or 10AM. Sleeping so long definitely explained why I was so groggy and I stretched again.

I sipped on coffee while I straightened up my sleeping area and cleaned up the kitchen.  For someone who rarely cooked, Kate always seemed to leave a mess in the kitchen.  I chalked it up to late night binges after the bars and sloppy drink making.  I felt disgusted by her lack of consideration and realized just how eager I was to spend a few days with Michael.

I texted Michael, telling him I would like to come over after work and his response was immediate.

"That would be perfect babe, I can't wait to fall asleep with you again..."

I smiled at the thought and slowly packed an overnight bag, knowing that if I needed more of my things I could always stop and grab them after work since I worked practically next door to the apartment.  Happily, I went about the rest of my daily routine before heading off to work. 

I was settling into my cubicle when I suddenly thought of the message I had sent Eric the night before.  I quickly signed into Facebook before clocking in, telling myself that it was OK to browse the internet as long as I wasn't on the clock yet.  I had no new notifications and felt a pang of something that felt like disappointment wrapped in relief.  I closed out of Facebook in a hurry.  I rushed to clock in and logged in to take calls for the day.

The work day soon came to an end, and I realized I was nervous.  The drive to the home I previously shared with Michael lasted about 20 minutes, and before I knew it, I was pulling in to the driveway.  I was about to knock when the door opened.

Michael greeted me with an affectionate hug that neither of us seemed ready to break.  All nervousness melted away and again, I felt the sensation of being where I belonged.

He held me out at arm's length and studied me carefully.

"Are you hungry?  Do you want some tea, anything to drink?"

I laughed and declined, suggesting we go to bed instead.  I knew he had to be up much earlier for work than myself, but I was tired regardless.

I changed into a tanktop and a pair of short shorts, my usual pajamas.  As I crawled into bed, I could practically feel the tension in my back melting away as I relaxed.

Unsure of how to proceed, I nuzzled up against Michael's shoulder,  finding the spot where I had laid my head countless times throughout our relationship.  He kissed the top of my head and pulled me close.

I turned to kiss him fully on the mouth, feeling him hesitate at first.  Soon enough, he was responding to my kisses and touches eagerly.  I arched my body against him as he trailed his fingertips across my stomach.

"Em, I've missed this," he whispered, his voice hoarse.  A firm kiss was my response.

The sex was gentle, with a sense of underlying urgency, and afterward he fell asleep within minutes.

I lay there looking at the ceiling, and as I drifted off to sleep, only one thought hovered in my mind.

I'm home.

Monday, November 15, 2010

When you play with fire...

Within a week, the car was handed over to me and all necessary paperwork was done.  I officially owned the Civic, thanks to the generosity of Michael's parents.  Michael and I had gone on a few dates, but I had yet to spend the night with him nor was there any talk yet about me moving back home.  We were quietly letting close friends know about the pregnancy, as it was still the first trimester and our relationship was also in it's developing stages.

My relationship with Kate had become slightly strained, now that I was refusing to drink with her or go out with her and Dale.  She just couldn't seem to understand why going out partying, even as a DD, was not my "thing".

I had the apartment to myself after work one night, and I made myself comfortable on the couch.  Nothing was on television so I decided to surf the internet.

My first stop was Facebook and a glaring notification caught my eye.  I had one new message...from Eric.

I hadn't spoken to Eric at all since I found out I was pregnant, and I certainly hadn't told him I was getting back together with Michael.  I didn't know why he was messaging me and I was tempted to just delete it and move on.  The attraction I had felt for Eric was undeniable, but any budding relationship between us had shaky from the start.  I told myself to just delete it and move along.

Instead, curiousity got the best of me, and I opened the message.

"Emma...I know why you're avoiding me and I'm sooo sorry.  I never should have lied to you and I don't know how you found out, but I am so sorry.  Ruby and I have been broken up for a long time, but neither of us could afford our apartment alone so we both still live there.  That's why you could never stay the night, I didn't want to create drama and I just didn't know how to tell you.  Ruby brings guys over when I'm not home and I brought you over when she wasn't home...I wasn't sure if you and I were headed for a relationship and I didn't want to jinx it from the start by adding in extra ex girlfriend drama.  I should have been honest with you, I don't blame you for blowing me off.  Please give me a chance?  Let's get dinner on your day off.  Miss you. - Eric"

I gasped.  Surely, I had never suspected that could be the reason Eric booted me out the door.  He had briefly mentioned a "serious ex" a few times, but never made any indication that they had lived together as a couple and were now still living together.  I shook my head, trying to absorb the information and wondering to myself if things would have turned out differently between us had I known the truth from the beginning.

Playing the "what if" game was going to get me nowhere, but I couldn't help but be affected by what Eric had written.

Against my better judgement, I replied.

"I wish you had been honest with me from the beginning, things could have turned out very differently between us.  I don't know if dinner is such a good idea and I'm sure you'll agree when I tell you why I kind of disappeared.  There's no easy way to say this, but I'm pregnant - apparently I was pregnant before we even met.  If you still want to get dinner as friends, that would be great.  If not, I understand. - Emma"

As I hit send, I realized I couldn't wait to hear back from Eric and felt excitement in the pit of my stomach.

I knew even then that I was playing with fire...

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

New post coming soon

Thanks for your patience everyone!  I am working on a few new posts that will be up this week!  Enjoy :)