Deep Breaths

The results were unmistakable and I stood there slack jawed, feeling a wave of numbness wash over me.  I took a deep breath, held it for a moment, and let it out in a rush.  Countless thoughts were rushing through my mind as I stood there staring at the test in my hand.  Countless emotions washed over me and I thought back to the night I moved in with Kate.  That night, I had gone to sleep thinking of all of life's scenarios, opportunities, changes and possible paths awaiting me in the future, and none of those included standing in Kate's bathroom staring at a pregnancy test.  It was funny how life crept up on you and threw a hell of a curveball.  I stood there for another minute or two, thinking to myself and trying to figure out what emotion was most prevalent in me.

 I knew Kate was waiting on the other side of the door, just dying to know what the test said.  I opened the door and motioned her in, both of us crowding into the small bathroom.  Anticipation, fear and curiosity were written all over her face.  Kate had always made it clear that she never wanted children and had often joked about ending our friendship if I ever had kids.  Kate joked around a lot, but I always detected a bit of truth to her jokes, lurking just below the surface of the laughter.

"Well?  What's it say, Em?" she coaxed.  Her eyes darted back and forth quickly, scanning my face, trying to figure out the answer. The tension in the air was palpable and the room suddenly seemed far too small to breathe.

I smiled at Kate and shrugged.  I held up the test and thrust it towards her.

"It has pee on it, but you can read the results for yourself if you want," I joked.  It was a half-hearted effort, an act of encouragement and an attempt at nonchalance.

Kate shook her head, her eyes never leaving mine.

"No, just tell me what it says."

I swirled the words in my mouth before saying them out loud, tasting the way they felt and trying them on for size.

"It says I'm pregnant."