Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Curiosity Killed The Cat

"I don't know what to say," Eric mumbled, looking down at his hands.  His features were drawn, pained.

I was clenching my jaw in anger so tightly, my teeth and head began to ache.  I waited a beat for him to continue.  He didn't utter another word.  I broke the silence.

"That's it, then?  All you have to say is you don't know what to say?" I threw my hands up in exhasperation, exhaling forcefully.

"I'm sorry." His voice was barely audible.  I'm not sure if he was whispering, or if my anger was drowning out the sounds around me.

"Sorry doesn't even begin to cut it. What made you think you had the right to go through my personal accounts?  Do you honestly think saying 'sorry' will make it all okay?  I want an explanation now, and then I'm out the door." I spoke as calmly and firmly as possible.  There would be absolutely no wiggle room in this situation.  There would be no forgiveness, no earning my trust. I wasn't about to let Eric think he had a chance to make it up to me.

"It just...escalated?" his words came out with an upward inflection, almost like he was asking me a question.  I raised my eyebrows, indicating that he should go on.

"After you left one night, I noticed your account was logged in.  I got curious, I couldn't help it.  I guess I wanted more insight into your mind.  I was just curious who you talk to and if you talk about me at all.  I snooped and it was wrong"

"No, you did more than snoop.  You kept logging into my account and then you got into my Facebook account!  That goes above and beyond satisfying some stupid curiosity!" my voice was beginning to waver and I struggled to keep my emotions in check.

"I guess when you logged in, you clicked the option to store your password.  I was able to log in again on my own after that.  I don't know what else I can say.  I fucked up, Emma.  I did.  I don't know why I did it, other than wanting to know everything about you." The sadness in his voice seemed genuine, but I was not going to let that sway me.

"That's still not a valid reason!  You invaded my fucking privacy, knowing full well everything that is going on in my life.  Did you not stop to think for even one second that your actions would hurt me?  Did you not think I'd see my shit had been tampered with, and assume my mentally unstable ex did it and worry that the information I've shared with my lawyer would now be useless?"

"You wouldn't be so pissed if you didn't have something to hide!" Eric straightened his back, finally looking me in the eye.

"That's rich, Eric.  Really rich.  I have nothing to hide, as you should know since you read through years of personal correspondence and mindless Facebook conversations.  I hope your curiosity was satisfied!" my anger returned in full force.  I could feel my calm facade crumbling.  Eric had some nerve trying to turn this around on me, insinuating that he'd found or read something incriminating.  I recognized his tactics.  Every other yellow and red flag that had popped up in the past were now raging alarm bells ringing in my head.  This man who had once seemed so beautiful and charming and one-in-million had revealed himself for what he is: jealous, controlling, even manipulative.

I shook my head sadly. Yet another thing in my life was crumbling to pieces before me.  I couldn't dismiss the thought that Eric had just been a rebound I'd clung to like a buoy.  I'd met him immediately after my split with Michael, before I'd even known I was pregnant.  I'd met him before things had really gone to shit and he'd stuck by me.  He'd accepted when I told him I was pregnant.  He hadn't been ashamed to date a girl who was pregnant by another man.  He'd treated me respectfully and acted like I was still desirable, despite my changing body and growing insecurities.  I had honestly thought I could see a potential serious relationship between us. In my mind, that had made him a worthy man.  We'd never really talked about his ex, Ruby, and why they split.  I was beginning to suspect shed either cheated on him, which led to his ridiculous behavior or his behavior had finally taken a toll on her.

I was curious, but didn't care enough to ask.  Now it seemed strange to me that he'd never been open and forthcoming about his relationship with Ruby, after how open to talking about my relationship with Michael he'd been.  Thoughts and emotions swirled through me.  I felt dizzy and sick to my stomach.  I'd never expected that a man like Eric would turn out to be just another jerk you hear about.

My vision blurred for a moment, but soon my focus returned and I set my gaze on Eric.

"I honestly thought we had a good thing developing between us, but this is an absolute deal breaker for me.  I don't want to see you anymore.  Please, do me a favor, and don't contact me in the future.  I just cannot take this," I sighed, fighting back tears of anger and sorrow.

"You know what I consider a deal breaker, Emma?  Kids.  So good for both of us, then," Eric snapped.

I refused to let him see how much his words stung me.  Obviously, I didn't want to be a single mom forever.  Eventually, far in the future, I'd love to find someone to marry and raise a family with.  I'd struggled internally with the idea that I would seem undesirable to many men because I'd behaving a child soon.  What he said was truly a low blow.  Yet, it gave me he strength I needed to end the conversation and turn towards the door.

I swiftly made my way down the hall, barreling for the front door.  Eric kept pace behind me, presumably to make sure I didn't go all cray-cray and destroy something before I left.

Tears were running freely down my face now, yet I refused to give him the satisfaction of seeing how much his parting comment had hurt me.  The door slammed loudly shut behind me and I heard the recognizable click as he locked the deadbolt.

I paused at the top of the stairs, wiping mascara stained tears from my cheeks.  I felt drained of all energy and emotion, quite suddenly.  My head felt full of cotton.

I took a heavy step to begin my descent, realizing all too late that my vision was going dark and fading at the edges.  I had just enough of a coherent thought left to wrap my arms protectively around my belly before I felt my legs give way.

The world around me went black.


  1. Uh-oh...stress is not good.

  2. Oh, gosh, no. She's falling down the steps? Poor thing. So hurt. And for that douchebag to say kids is a deal breaker? Really? Since when? You've been messing with a pregnant woman since day one. @$$hole! I hope she and the baby are OK. mum

  3. I hope that she doesn't fall down the stairs and that her and her baby are okay. Eric is an insensitive jerk who can't take full responsibility for his actions. He gets caught red handed and tries to lay blame on Emma. WTF? He's a grown man who is clearly insecure and way too clingy and possessive. I'm glad that Emma broke up with him. I just hope that he stays away from her completely.

  4. She just called it a "deal breaker?" Oh hell no, I'd kick Eric's ass if I was Emma, but I guess the pregnancy would make it a bit difficult. He needs to be reported - totally illegal, immoral, and WRONG WRONG WRONG.

    Not only that, but he just flung insults at her as he walked out the door. Kids are deal breakers? Suuuuure, that's why you started dating a PREGNANT WOMAN, Eric.

    And I hope this stress didn't lead to bad things for the baby....

  5. Awesome post as far as Emma's reaction!! She spotted the red flags and saw the danger in Eric's actions, and his attempt to blame her is classic of someone who refuses to accept responsability. Hopefully she and the baby are ok!! Life can turn on us from one second to the next and feel as if there is absolutely no hope, but its from those moments and how we handle them that an amazing amount of personal growth develops. Great post, thanks for setting a great example through Emma putting her foot down.

  6. This post is a great example of reality. Many women find themselves pregnant and have to leave their baby's fathers. It shows that being a mom can make for difficulty in forming relationships but you know when you find the guy that treats another man's child as his own, he will be a keeper. Here's to falling in love with ROB! #fingerscrossed

  7. I'm dying for today's post! I can't wait to find out what happened on the stairs