Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Endless Possibilities

Kate and I lugged my clothing up to her apartment building, which, as luck would have it, was seperated from my job's office building by a small shopping center that housed a few businesses and a hair salon.  I would be able to walk to work every day while I saved up to buy a car of my own.

She unlocked the front door, and with a sweep of her hand announced, "Home sweet home!"

I'd be using the coat closet as my own and sleeping on her couch.  I immediately began digging through my bags of clothing, wanting to get settled in as quickly as possible.  She watched me curiously as I set about hanging up my shirts and pants.  I could tell by the look on her face that she thought I was just trying to keep busy.

"Emma, you're okay, aren't you?" Kate smiled gently, her eyes scanning my face for a sign of how I was feeling.

I took a deep breath and looked back at her.  I loved Kate, she was always there for me when I needed her and I tried to be there for her as well.  We'd been friends since high school, having met in class, and our first apartment had been one we'd shared right before Michael and I had started dating.

I smiled back at her and felt my uncertainty fade away completely.

"You know what?  I really am.  I mean, I'll probably always love Michael but I've realized I'm no longer in love with Michael.  All of our couple friends were getting married and I guess I thought that's what we needed to fix what we had.  But this feels...right.  I just want to get settled in so I can really feel like I'm moving on instead of just visiting."

Kate nodded and hugged me, saying how proud she was that I'd had the courage to leave my comfort zone and how much fun we'd have living together again.

Later that night, after I'd finished unpacking most of my things and Kate had gone to bed, I curled up in my blanket on the couch.  Luckily for me, Kate had splurged on a nice couch and I knew I'd have no trouble sleeping, although I wasn't quite tired yet.

Alone with my thoughts, staring at an unfamiliar ceiling, I smiled.  I'd been one half of MichaelAndEmma for so long, that being just Emma would take a little getting used to.  This would be a big change for me, and I couldn't wait to see what life had in store.  I let my mind wander aimlessly for a bit, envisioning the endless possibilities of where my life would lead now.  I finally felt myself entering that comfortable, hazy stage between being awake and falling asleep as I settled deeper into the couch.

The buzz of my cellphone on the coffee table startled me back to the waking world, and I grabbed it to take a peek at the message, knowing I'd lay awake wondering who it was from and what it said until I finally looked.

It was from Michael.  It contained only two short sentences.
"Can we talk?  I can come pick you up."

I sighed, and considered ignoring the message entirely.  I knew he would just keep texting me or possibly even calling if I didn't write back, so I simply replied, "No."

With that, I turned off my phone and fell into the most beautiful sleep I'd had in months.

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